When I was in college, I was a waitress. I worked at a Logan’s Roadhouse while attending Illinois State University. I was working hard towards my education degree and needed to support myself after moving into an apartment with two of my friends. Despite the mega loans I had taken out of the bank to pay for my education, it didn’t seem to cover all my expenses.
I was going to school full time, working (practically) full time, and there were times where I just wanted to give up and quit. However, I knew I couldn’t. I had bigger goals and dreams to accomplish in my life. One of these goals was being graduating college and obtaining a teaching position in a good school district.
There are certain points in everyone’s life when they don’t necessarily feel like they are where they should be in life.
When I was waitressing, sweating my butt off, and yelling “yee-haw!!” to every boy and girl who had a birthday, I could certainly not see the light at the end of the tunnel. There were tears over rude customers, frustrated feelings about not having enough time to hang out with my friends, and most nights — I wanted to go to bed at a decent hour instead of working until 1 AM sweeping peanuts off the floor of a restaurant.
I won’t lie to you — it was good money. It was really good money. And the people I worked with were fantastic. They became a second family for me, and I rarely really didn’t want to go into work.
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I like to think of this as a stepping stone in my life. Waitressing was not my ultimate goal (teaching was), but I had to waitress in order to make my way to my next goal.
When I graduated college, I chose to move back home with my parents (and brother, and sister… and brother in law — but that’s a whole other story) to save money so I could pay back student loans, pay off my car, and begin saving for a place of my own. There were many days (read: a lot) when I was frustrated. I was mad. I was annoyed that I was 22 years old and didn’t want to make my bed just because my dad told me to. But I did it anyways. Why? I had bigger dreams, and I knew living back at home was one way I could achieve my goal.
(source)
I have always been a planner — have always known what my next five or six steps were going to be in life. But sometimes, things come along where you’re not sure why a certain stepping stone has been put in your path. I like to think I respond well to speed bumps (the big ones — not ones like this). When a speed bump is something big and I know I can’t control the outcome, I accept it. One mantra I try to live by (it’s hard) is “change what you can, and accept what you can’t”.
Even if a situation in your life comes along that you don’t understand, it’s mean to be in your life for a reason. You know what? That’s okay. It’s okay to not understand at that exact moment. It’s okay to be mad because it’s not what you had in store for you life.
But I can promise you, yes — promise you — that the detour your life is taking, the path that your life is leading you to, will ultimately lead you to your hopes and dreams if you hold onto them.
“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”
- Harriet Tubman
It also helps to have others who know your dreams, who know your goals, and believe that you will make them a reality. My family and friends never doubt me. When I say something is going to happen, it will — they know I have the drive. When I was waitressing in college, on my last night before I left because of student teaching, I can still vividly remember what my favorite manager told me. He said:
“Chelsey, from the moment I hired you, I knew you had ‘it’. I knew that you weren’t going to be here forever. While I would love it if you could stay, I know that you are leaving to be something better. I always knew you were going to make it.”
And I did.
Question: Have you encountered stepping stones in your life? Were you able to still achieve your ultimate goal?
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{ 82 comments… read them below or add one }
ohmygosh girl you wrote my book. seriously! when i was in my undergrad, I was working 5 part times jobs, and had 21 credits *aka 6 classes* to attend. clearly I was up and going for about 18 hours per DAY..although it really took a huge toll on my social life, I realize that the time, effort, responsibility, and appreciation for what was going to come in the future, was all worth it. I too am living at home and attending grad school, hoping to finish it next year and at ‘an old age of 24′ find my other stepping stones to my dreams! love your blog hun
Wow! You are in the home stretch!
Thank you for this! I have been really frustrated and confused recently as I am about to graduate college in 2 months and I really don’t know what my next step needs to be. I am the ultimate planner in life and it is pretty scary to me to think that I don’t really have the next phase of my life under my control. Thanks for reminding me that sometimes its okay to take little steps to get to wherever you are going!
Ugh, I know how you feel. With some majors there is so much you can do so I can see how hard it is to figure out! I know that with your drive and spirit, you will be great at anything you set your mind to!
I’m right there with you, Laura! I graduate in less than two months and wish so much there was that definite “next step” just waiting for me. We’ll both find our paths, though, even if it takes a few detours. Let me know how things work out for you, I’ll keep you in my prayers!
And Chelsey, thanks for reminding me that I don’t to have all the answers all the time. I just need to persevere
great post! I waitressed in college too!
I love this post. True words my dear!
This is a great post. There have been many stepping stones in my life. Although it’s not always easy, I try to keep the big picture in mind. This has been especially important when I’ve worked toward big goals.
Chelsey-
I feel like you wrote this blog just for me (even though we don’t even know each other!) This is the story of my life, and I am currently sitting on one of the stepping stones waiting to move on. I graduated college almost three years ago with a degree in graphic design, and last summer I decided that I wanted to be a nurse. I was recently (like two days ago) declined for getting into a particular nursing program, but not for lack of dedication and hard work. I’m just telling myself that it wasn’t meant to be for me to go to this particular school…but I WILL be a nurse someday.
Thank you for this!
ang
Wow Angela – it sounds like you definitely have some stepping stones in your life right now! You WILL be a nurse some day – and a darn good one too!
Angela, I can SO relate to you!!!!! I graduated 3 years ago as well and am waiting for an acceptance letter to a program I have been working hard to get into since 2007… they said i’ll know by the end of March. I know that whatever happens though, is meant to be… even if it is another detour!!
that’s so awesome Chelsey! good for you. I was a waitress once too and can totally feel your pain–though I never had to sing “yee-haw” haha! I am still working toward my ultimate goal as I’m going back to school in the fall, but hopefully I’ll get there someday…
It’s like you are writing about me lol
When I graduated college I had the next few years all mapped out in my head. I was going to go to Physician Assistant school for the next 2 years, graduate, and start my career. I applied to schools, did not get in, and now have to rework my plans into finding a way to get accepted next year while looking for a job. I don’t do well with “change”. I had my whole life planned and suddenly I had nothing. I was out of school, out of a job, and no hope of a career. It’s a tough world but I know that if not this year, I’ll get in next year 
Gotta keep your head high. Great post girl
xoxo
Chelsey, you basically just put my life right now into words. I’m still at the stepping stone part to the next big thing. I thought everything was figured out once I graduated college, and then I decided to pursue my teaching degree. A lot of the time [read most of the time] I’m frustrated to still be in my parents house at 24 years old, working, and taking classes- I thought I’d be out on my own with a great job right now. But I know that it’s eventually going to lead me to my goal, I just have to keep reminding myself of that!
I love reading your blog because I feel like you have the career & life that I’m working towards and it reminds me to keep working hard!
Waitressing was actually the best few months of my life that I can remember. Either I had a really fun job or my life is not very fun
. Thanks for writing this post. I don’t understand why I am where I am right now but I trust there’s a reason. There better be a reason…
There IS a reason! Thankfully you have such a great family to help you out at this time in your life!
Thanks for this post! I have been feeling so frustrated in my life right now- I just graduated and am stil looking for a part time job. Its nice to be reminded that this is just a stepping stone in life to get to the bigger and better things waiting for me
Thank you!!
I absolutely agree that you should ‘change what you can and accept what you can’t.’ I’ve wasted way too much time trying to change things that I ultimately don’t have any control over! I’m still in my stepping stones phase, but I can certainly see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Thank you so much Chelsey for sharing this. I am at a point in my life where I need to replace my negative thoughts about where I am and think of it as a steping stone…I need to dream and come up with goals and this post really inspired me to do so. Thank you.
You’re welcome! You have made so much progress since I have “met” you – let me know what that goal is!
I consider the job I have now (standard entry-level) as a stepping stone. Even though we talk about “down the road” at my work, I think they all know I’m not going to be there forever. I adore them all… but will know for sure when it’s my time to go.
I LOVE this post! So great to hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So proud of you and greatful for you sharing this with us.
Love this post. At 29 years old, I’ve had many, many stepping stones. I started as a Kindergarten teacher…worked in commercial real estate, photography, advertising, met my current husband, lived in NYC, moved to Belize, moved back to our home town Dallas, got married and now I’m a nutrition counselor who writes (travel & freelance), blogs and works at lululemon! I have no definite ultimate goal – life can change so quickly and we have no control over it most of the time – I just try to take it day to day as much as I can. I do want to have kids, though.
Wow! You have definitely gone through a lot!
This post is perfect for me right now. I just graduated, live at home, and am in an entry level job. I’m doing my best not to get frustrated and to make the right moves to get to a happier place, but I know this is just part of life.
Omg I could tell you soooo many stories about my life, career/jobs, and the stepping stones I have had to cross. I have also worked TONS in the bar/restaurant biz and know what it’s like to routinely go to bed at 3am or later…Trust me, everything you wrote about in this post, BTDT for me.
Glad you stepped your way into the job you have now
beautiful post!!!! i just graduated in may and moved back home to save up some money while i work my first full-time job. while i’m not entirely sure it’s the place/career i want forever, i realize that not everything and moment in life is 100% pleasant and that there are “Stepping stones” like you said. : )
great post! it’s nice to hear other people have stepping stones too. sometimes, when i’m struggling, i feel like i’m the only one…and that it’s taking FOREVER to get where I want to be!
What a completely relevant topic to my life right now. Over the weekend my boyfriend of 10 months, and love of my life, broke up with me completely unexpectedly. I know he’s just having a man crisis, and that things might change, but still. I loved this post. It made me feel so much better.
So sorry to hear about the breakup Kim – everything will work itself out!
I have had to gro through certain “stepping stones” to where I want to be in life. I feel like they never end because I always they and aim higher and meet new goals.
We’re on some stepping stones right now too! The hubs is in school and working, I’m working 2 fabulous jobs- but, it doesn’t seem like it will end. The hubs graduates in May 2012 (we each took a few semesters off), and that’s when I’ll most likely go back to finish up my degree (in 2 semesters).
Right now, it just feels like I’m wasting time while he finishes up school, but we both know that what we are doing is the best for us, for our finances, for our relationship and for our future!
Wow! I love how marriage is give and take. Sometimes I hate when I have to “give” more
, but I know it all balances out!
This was a great post! Glad to know others get disappointed and stressed out at times as well. I have definitely hit stepping stones along the way. The thing I think is the worst part is that I’m constantly comparing myself to other people. Those who are younger than I am, and further along in their degree, or have travelled more than I have or even accomplished things I haven’t. Although my family and friends and boyfriend are constantly telling me all the great things I have done and things I have accomplished, and will get to in the futuere. My father passed away when I was 16, so when graduation came I decided to stay close to home for school so I could live with my mom and brother still. I often thought about how much different it would have been had he still been alive, and what I would have been done by now or where I might have gone to university after highschool. I also went to work part time, and school part time. After a couple years I decided I wanted to get the whole school thing finished with, and decided to go full time. I actually moved away for half a year, and then returned to finish school closer and move in with my boyfriend. I thought I would take the summer semester off and work in a restaurant, but unlike you I got hardly any shifts and made a teeny amount of money, and regretted the decision to not just take classes in the summer. Now I’ll be taking classes this summer, and graduating next summer. But I was still mad I hadn’t done things like travel to Europe or Graduate at 22 (i’ll be 24 when I do) I definitely have to have the whole student loan thing as well, and I am constantly worried about all the money I’ll have to pay back one day. Though my moms constantly saying just to focus on school and not worry about it. But you’re right, everything happens for a reason and I just hope one day it all works out, and I’ll gradute, get to travel and (hopefully) get a job in teaching! Seeing as how we all know how unstable that can be!!
Wow – I am so sorry to hear about your dad and the struggles you went through! What an amazing story. Congratulations on getting through school though!
What a great post. In times of stress and doubt its easy to forget that you are on a path to somewhere. Sometimes you just need a good cry too! One of my favorite sayings is “life goes on” and when I am feeling my worst I try to remember that I know I have it in me to be everything I want and I will end up somewhere.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Great post- I am definitely going through the whole “living at home and not wanting to make my bed” stage. But I’m still not ready to support myself, and I’m still in college. It’s a stepping stone!
I can relate to this so much. Sometimes I don’t feel like there are enough hours in the day, and even though I know I am about to reach my end goal (graduation), it is not always easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am 22 and live at home, as well, and it can be frustrating, but I know that it’s practical and will be worthwhile in the end!
Wow. That’s all I can say, WOW! I absolutely adore this post. Sometimes you have to work through tough times because you know eventually it will get you to where you want to go. This post seems to follow the same theme I live by which is everything happens for a reason. Glad everything worked out for you, you obviously deserve it!
Life is all about the stepping stones! And I think it’s about enjoying the stepping stones, realizing that they are as much a part (if not more) of life than the “goal” that you’re stepping towards!
That’s awesome
I’m still living at home with my parents and waitressing, haha. I had another job at the gym but wound up changing my mind because of my love for FOOD! Proud of you for being so successful and following your dreams and achieving them!
This blog post of yours has VERY interesting timing. I am at my wit’s end with the job that I’m working now, and while it won’t lead to my dream career ever, I know that it is only temporary and that eventually I will be back on my career path. Thanks for the inspiring post!
Not my timing – God’s timing!
Stick with it!
definitely! I, too, waitressed (for the better part of a decade!). Sometimes it could be humiliating….patrons talking down to you, or when old HS people would come in and you’d have to wait on them (if that’s not a humbling experience, I don’t know what is!) I’m still working toward my end goal (I’m a grad student). I’m 4 years deep in schooling post BA & I can not WAIT to be done!
Damn. This post seriously left me with a lump in my throat. I’m graduating in June (on spring break now) — and all this time at home has left me with time to think about how I’ll be moving back home in June and completely unsure of where life is going to take me, and what my nxt step is going to be. I keep reading articles about recent college grads unable to find jobs, etc. So I’m scared. Scared poopless really. Ugh.
I hope this is a detour I can embrace.
<3
No matter what happens, you will always have that degree. No one can take it away from you!
That was a really inspiring and uplifting post! I completely believe that everything happens for a reason and while it might not make sense at the point, it will in due time! I know the job I’m in right now isn’t something I want to do for several years but in terms of giving me the experience to reach my ultimate goal, it’s a great place to be working at. Every job/experience, no matter how low they seem at the time, adds some value to your life!
I completely agree with you that you have to pay your dues first before you can see what life has in store for you…but sometimes its hard to trust life so freely. Thank you so much for this inspiring post! I needed to read this so badly right now
What a wonderful goal, last year I lived at home, after living in a dorm for a year, had online classes, and worked 35 hours a week at a call center at my parents work. It is a time that I like to pretend didn’t happen and honestly I don’t have a lot of memories of it. It was all something I had to do to save money but luckily during the time period I began to eat healthy and run and exercise so all wasn’t lost!
This is such a great post girl! I was a hostess at a restaurant once so I can relate to how frustrating working at a restaurant can be! But it looks like it was totally worth it to get to where you are now.
I was soo frustrated when I figured out 3 years into my undergrad that I wanted to be in a different program, but I made the switch despite having to stsay in school longer. I know it’s worth it to be able to do what I want to do!
I love this. I’m in that college stage wondering if and when I’ll get out there and have a real job and feel like it was all worth it. Sometimes it is frustrating, but other times I just have to learn to enjoy the moment…find joy in the journey. Because i WILL get there some day
I cried reading this post. And I’m at work. And I know how weird that sounds. I feel frustrated a lot of times with where I am. A full grad student with two part times jobs (read: working full time) that are, how shall I say, unchallenging. I, like you, am a planner who needs to know the next five or six steps in my life. But now, I don’t. I don’t know how long this program is going to take and I don’t know when I’m going to get a job that I actually enjoy. One that helps people. One that challenges me. It’s not a concrete goal like being a teacher, but I know I want to graduate and get a job that uses my counseling skills. It WILL happen, it just kills me that I don’t know when. I know the jobs I have now are necessary, but I want a “real” one. I know, in time, they will all happen. I have my family, I’m healthy, happy, and about to get married. Those things I know. And those are the things that really matter. Thanks for this post, Chelsey!
I am so glad the post helped you this morning!
without the stepping stones, we can’t get anywhere, we’re just stuck. and even though some of them aren’t quite what we pictured (or at all, even), they are worth it to get to the next stone!
beautiful post, thanks
So true!
GREAT post! When I get so restless right now, I remind myself that I am on a stepping stone to where I want to be, you can’t do it all at once.
Seriously great post, Chelsey. I’ve felt like I’m standing still on a stepping stone for almost two years now. I’m stuck at a job I really really don’t enjoy, but for four more months, that’s my option. I know it will help me out in the long run, but sometimes it’s hard to remember that when I’m in the middle of it all. Your post is a fabulous reminder of what’s to come.
I swear being server is something everyone should have to do at some point in their life, it teaches you patience, humility and the BEST customer service skills!! (If you can’t tell, I also waitressed during all 4 years of college). I always try to look at where I’m at in my life as a stepping stone to where I’m going, but sometimes I think we lose sight of that. Thanks for the reminder
I totally agree! In my head this post started out as a post all about waitressing until I thought about it some more!
And you could definitely write a post all about waitressing
“Waiting” is like the ultimate movie for anyone who’s ever worked in a restaurant because you knew someone who is each and every character.
What a awesome post! I have to admit, I love reading posts like this, its a different change then reading about food etc.. lol! I believe we all have to take paths in life to lead us to where we are supposed to be, and those paths can change, and I also believe some people come in and out of our lives for a reason too ; )
Have a great day love!!!!! xoxo <3
Such a great inspirational message! I’m currently a student at ISU and I am dealing with starting on a whole new set of stepping stones.
Thanks for such a great post! It really made me think about my future and what I can accomplish…all in a positive light!
Very encouraging..I love this!
thanks for sharing!
Beautiful post. Seriously, you are amazing!! I TOTALLY know what you mean about waitressing…..AMAZING money but HARD HARD HARD WORK and I cried so many times at the restaurant I worked at!!! Right now I feel like my leg injury is a stepping stone, just need to get through it and learn everything I can from it!! Have a great day and thank you for such a powerful post!
Your injury certainly is a stepping stone! But tink about how much you really will appreciate being able to run Boston when the time comes!!
I always feel that stepping stones were crucial in where I ended up today. I even touched upon that topic when I was asked to speak at the senior internship class at my alma mater. My job as a waitress, front desk agent, secretary, it all helped with where I got to now.
It is amazing how fast those stepping stones go, especially when they seem to take forever when you’re on them. Like you, I am a planner and I NEED to know what stone I’ll be stepping on seven steps from where I’m at…. It must be a teacher thing
PS- What grade do you teach??? I have the most vegetable eating class in the whole school, they think veggies are ‘cool’ after Mrs. H gets a hold of them!
They totally go by quickly – I agree. Sometimes it seems as if it will never end, but it does!!
I teach 5th grade. So. Much. Fun.
chelsea, I have SO been in your shoes. I actually managed a restaurant right after graduating college because it was the only quick job I could land right out of school!
I counted that as a stepping stone. I even count my life now as a stepping stone, because I know I’m not where I want to me geographically, emotionally, or romantically.
I’m really hoping these next few months bring me closer to where I want and need to be.
LOVED this post!
p.s. my first waitressing job was at LoneStar when I was a senior in high school. oh, how I miss those days of birthday yee-haws and sweeping peanut shells!
I can absolutely and completely relate to this! When I had to take a semester off because I was in treatment, I thought my life was over. For months I couldn’t accept the reality bc I thought I had everything planned out: I would graduate at this time, get a job by this time and be in grad school by this time. The ‘shoulds’ haunted me for so long… and I would spend hours upset and angry over my reality and worried and afraid that nothing would work out.. It took a long time for me to accept that everything in life happens for a reason and leads us to some personal destiny, that may not have been wanted or planned, but that was right for us. I truly believe we learn from eaach and every experience and must recognize that things will work out the way they’re meant to. Can’t focus on the shoulds!
Have a great day,
Rebecca
http://fromheretothereinpurple.blogspot.com
http://twitter.com/rlustig
I think everyone deals with this at some point. When I graduated from college, I definitely experienced a lot of anxiety about not knowing what was coming next. There is such a natural progression that stops after college. Before that, I knew that from elementary school I would go to middle, then high school, then college. It’s definitely a trying time. Thanks for sharing : )
oh my gosh i can 100% relate to this…. i had a really bad eating disorder 6ish years ago that lasted a few years (in my head) and honestly, it has made me SUCH a better person.. i appreciate life so much more, i know what i wnt to do in my future, i am more compassionate, more empathetic, stronger.. its amazing.. it has DEFINITELY proved this point!
Love this post! I work right now as a pharmacy technician as I am finishing up nursing school. I started out my college career thinking I was gonna go to pharmacy school. Then, I got the job working in a pharmacy and hate it! Then I realized what I was meant to do. I love going to clinicals and feeling like I’m helping people. I don’t really dread going to work most of the time but I know its just a stepping stone for me
I worked a bit of retail during college and let me tell you…that was the most humbling experience of my life. I totally look back on it as a stepping stone though! And I’m glad I did it.
YESS!! SO TRUE. Everything pays off in the end, and every phase of our life has a purpose. Right now I feel like I’m in such an in-between place, but I know that I need to finish what I’m doing to move onto the next step. And even though I’m not totally sure what the next step is, I know I’m moving towards SOMETHING, and that’s enough
Chelsea… i have so much to say about this i don’t even know where to begin!! So what i CAN say is this… thank you. Thank you for writing this post. It came at the perfect time for me to read…(some major life decisions are going to be made for me in these next few weeks… and I have been hopping from stepping stone to stepping stone to finally get here…) It’s time for me to take a big leap!
I am so glad it helped you Allison!
I hope everything works out for yoU!
I love love LOVE this!!!!
Thank you SO much for taking the time to post this! I am in the stepping-stones process right now in my life. Thank you again! 
xoxox
Kathleen
Incredible post Chelsea! In my sophomore year in college, I decided what I wanted my major to be (radiology technology) but to be able to enter the program the following year, I realized I had quite the list of prereqs to take first. I had classes all over campus, starting at about 8am and two days a week I even took night classes. All while working full time as an assistant manager at GNC and “trying” to maintain some semblance of a social life. Thinking back, I honestly have no idea how I did it, but I knew I could do it and I HAD to do it…for me! I ended up with a 3.75 GPA and I enrolled in the radiology program the following year with ALL those prereqs under my belt! It felt so great to have accomplished something that I worked so hard for!
thanks so much for posting this! i think most of us struggle with accepting things when they dont go the way we planned i love that quote by harriet tubman, by the way i often have to remind myself of this, i am working a job i like, but has nothing to do wiyh my degree i have to remind myself, if i like it, who cares if i didnt need to go to school for it?!
it is wise to plan
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