halloween heckler

October 31, 2011

I didn’t dress up for Halloween this year.

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And if I am perfectly honest with myself, I’d have to tell you I didn’t dress up for anything last year either. Call me lame, but Halloween just doesn’t do it for me lately. Talk to me again when I have kids, and I can dress my baby up as a sushi roll. What? My cousin already has the outfit all ready to be lent out and everything.

Despite my need to cross my arms and say “bah humbug” to Halloween, there were times when Halloween was just second place to Christmas. Pillowcases full of candy? Staying out until after dark knocking on strangers doors and trusting them enough to give you food? Waking up and discovering that your pumpkin was smashed by the teenagers in the neighborhood? Maybe that last one was what ruined it for me.

Wait, I take that back. It was probably in college when I gave up on Halloween. One can only take so many scantily clad outfits, so one year I was an Average Joe from Dodgeball (like probably 9 out of 10 of you). It was going great until someone took my ball and ended up jacking me in the face with it. Things always seem fun until someone gets hurt.

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And I was really upset this year to find out my Disney Princess Jasmine costume didn’t fit anymore. That handmade circa 1993 costume was probably the best costume I ever dressed up in — parachute pants, belly shirt (with a turtleneck underneath — gosh Mom, what kind of parent are you? Belly shirts on 6 year olds aren’t so bad.), and a jeweled headband was all I needed to look exactly like Jasmine. Let’s forget about my blonde hair and blue eyes for a minute here. But anyways, it didn’t fit anymore — so I just gave up on Halloween all together.

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In all seriousness though, I’d rather just skip over Halloween and head straight to Thanksgiving. Or the day after Thanksgiving. I’d much rather be standing in the freezing cold at 3:30 AM in a line at Best Buy than collecting candy from strangers. Just me? Probably.

But let’s backtrack to Thanksgiving. I got a little giddy thinking about the upcoming holiday season…. and perhaps Christmas music that comes after it.

Okay, you caught me — I just want to get to Christmas.

But first, let’s make a smoothie that tastes like pumpkin pie and has nothing to do with anything else I talked about in the last three-four minutes.

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I guess I’m not “that” over Halloween — this afternoon I’m going to get my big bag of candy out of my car trunk (I live with a candyaholic), put it in my big bowl, and listen to my doorbell ring at least 20392309 times.

And now I’m wishing I got a scary outfit to scare all the kids. Bah Humbug.

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