I cringe when I hear a lot of words. “Moist” is one of them. “Sammy” (for sandwich) is another. And I don’t even want to talk about the phrase “nom nom” — don’t make me do it.
Another word that makes me cringe? Fat.
That word, especially when working with girls who are entering their “tween” years, makes me want to curl up in a corner and ignore the big elephant in the room.
I want you to think back to when you were eleven. I know for me, I was pretty awkward. My hair was greasy, I was uncomfortable in my changing body, and I pretty much thought the entire world was watching my every move. I couldn’t wait to grow up, to get out of my awkward stage, and to feel okay in my own skin. As adults, we know this isn’t true — that adolescent egocentrism is just a part of life — that the entire world isn’t really looking down on us through a magnifying glass.
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What I do know, and what I tend to forget too quickly, is that for an eleven year old, every problem seems like the end of the world. Hormones are raging for the first time and it is so incredibly difficult to feel accepted by others. Getting into a fight with your best friend, finding out a boy who you like doesn’t like you back, forgetting your homework at home — all of those situations can shake an adolescent’s world.
What probably hurts the most for a developing, already feeling awkward young lady is being called fat.
This country is full of distorted images — between magazines, toys (think Barbie), and an overall decrease in self esteem — we are setting our young girls up for failure. By failure I mean a life of feeling like they are “not good enough”, “not pretty enough”, and “not worth anything”. Although it seems silly that one or two comments could shape a young girl’s life, it’s true. I was astonished the first time I heard my niece declare at age eight that she was “too fat” and her “belly was chunky”. It absolutely broke my heart.
I vividly remember being called fat by someone else when I was about 7 (I wasn’t).
I can remember being told I needed to “suck it in” (I didn’t).
I can remember my girl friends talking behind my back about me (how sad).
An incident that happened at school a few days ago slammed me back to the days where what my friends thought meant everything to me. We have a mean girl epidemic in my school, and it running rampant across the grade level.
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The feeling of not fitting in, not being perfect, and being different — all horrible feelings. To think that another girl whom I know and adore was feeling that way because of something her peers said has absolutely broken my heart.
What are we doing to our young girls these days?
Why are we allowing others to fill their heads with their beliefs that they are not perfect exactly the way they are?
How can we make it stop?
One girl at a time.
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I pray to God that if you know a young girl personally that you take the time to not only tell her she is beautiful, but to focus on every other good trait she has.
Tell her she’s smart. Tell her she’s funny. Tell her she’s caring and helpful towards others. Tell her she can make a difference. Tell her she can do anything she sets her mind to. Tell her she can overcome and come out strong in any situation life throws her. Tell her to stand up for what she believes in, no matter how hard the situation will be. Tell her she is loved and you are absolutely blessed to have her in your life.
Tell her there’s nobody in the world like her — that she’s unique and special in every way possible.
Those things, my friends, make a girl beautiful.
Not her weight. Not what she sees when she looks in the mirror. Not if she is living up to her peers’ expectations.
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Someday when I have kids of my own, I am planning on doing just that. For now, I can focus on the girls who I come into contact with each and every day as a teacher. Each one of them beautiful and special in their own ways. Each one of them shining and full of life because the world hasn’t hurt them yet.
Thankfully, we have programs out there focused and dedicated to making girls feel beautiful for who they are. I am a huge fan of Operation Beautiful — from the gorgeous woman who started it to the millions of women each day who keep it going, one post it note at a time.
So, the next time you’re in the mirror, criticizing yourself, putting yourself down — think it over for a few seconds longer.
Would you want your daughter to hear you talking about yourself like that?
Question: In what way has “fat talk” affected your life? Do you know any young girls who are being affected by this now?
PS — Don’t forget to enter my Kelapo Coconut Oil giveaway!
{ 126 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow Chelsey, this post is truly monumental. I remember the exact hurtful words that people said to me growing up and the exact moments. Those things stick with us for a lifetime. But I also remember the words that people have spoken to me that compliment my inner and outer beauty. It’s so important to hold on to those words and eventually, they will erase the bad ones.
I agree - did you know they say for every insult someone is given, it has the same impact of FIVE positive ones?
Oh, I totally believe that!!! It’s CRAZY how much you sit and think about the negative comments (even when they aren’t true)… I know I remember negative remarks from my childhood, wish I remembered the good ones just as well! Growing up is *tough*!!
I can so relate- I’m 32 years old, but I can still remember some comments my classmates made about my weight and how I looked (and they were not kind). I have struggled a lot with my self-esteem and my weight, and it took a really long time for me to not let those comments have an effect on me. It’s sad that words can be so destructive for a person.
Just started reading your blog - what an incredibly touching post! Thank you for sharing.
I was just at the mall today with a friend and overheard a mom say to her daughter (I’m guessing the girl was around 8-10) “you have to watch those calories - we can’t eat there.” It just made me so sad to hear that. I don’t ever remember my Dad telling me I had to watch calories when I was 8 years old.
I totally think girls are affected today by such a strong focus on image and being “thin.” I wish there was a stronger focus on HEALTHY - mentally, physically and spiritually. Having healthy and positive thoughts is important, too!
Thanks for reading Alli! I don’t remember my family being obsessed with calories either. Instead of calories, her mother surely could have said “this isn’t the healthiest of choices. Let’s see if we can find something different. If not, it’s not the end of the world to eat here once!”
Thank you for writing this, Chelsey. I remember being an awkward 11 year old, but you know what, I don’t remember fat talk being so prevalent back when I was younger. I think the world has definitely changed over the past 15-20 years, and it honestly makes me so sad! I’m glad there are teachers like you who want to make young girls feel special because they are. The hurtful words and behaviors need to stop! I’m definitely going to do my part.
This is such an awesome post. I think most people can expect this kind of talk amongst older teens but when you see it yourself when someone is a child it really hits close to the heart. We should be praising our bodies not tearing it to pieces. Society has a really messed up idea of how women should look and unfortunately everyone is following the stereotype. Words can be very hurtful especially for a girl who’s trying to get comfortable in her own skin.
Great post. Today I was volunteering in an elementary school, and a seventh grade girl sitting in the class had full on make up on. I remember when I was in seventh grade there was no make-up wearing allowed. This girl had a Sephora compact mirror in her hand i swear the whole class. She kept looking at herself and when I first got to the room I saw her take out a lipstick, like a real lipstick and apply it with her mirror. I’m 22 and still dont wear lipstick. not even lip gloss, but hey thats me. But for a 12 year old girl to be so self conscious and have to think she needs to contstantly check her image, and apply make up to fit in is sad. Young girls don’t need the pressure and definitely dont need to hear hurtfelt words from other peers. ‘Fat’ is definitely a word that hurts young girls and its almost always never true. They just need some self confidence and see they are beautiful and in perfect shape.
Oh gosh, junior high is the worst. I honestly felt like I was on a stage and everyone was watching me.
Chelsey, this is beautifully written and all so true. I’ve had the same things you mentioned happen to me, and they were so damaging to my self esteem. I have a little sister and a niece (both 9), so this issue is still close to my heart. I’m always telling them both how beautiful they are, just as they are, and I hope they continue to think of themselves that way as they go out into the world. Wonderful post.
Thank you Michelle - I’m so glad that you are focusing on the positive with your sister and niece!
Chelsey,
This was a beautiful post. My mom is a teacher, and she was telling me how there are a group of girls in her school who have that “Mean Girl” mentality…It’s so…sad! I try to compliment people everyday. I know how much I enjoy getting a compliment, it can completely make your day. More people should focus on saying nice, positive things instead of hurtful ones. Thank you for posting this.
This is truely amazing. I am currently student teaching in the high school and it runs rampant everywhere. The building is also connected to the middle school and I have seen so many middle schools girls picking and prodding at their stomachs and god knows where else because they think they aren’t good enough.
Beautiful post! I think “fat talk” is affecting younger girls all the time, and it’s so sad to hear. It’s great to see things the other way though - when girls are helpful and positive to each other. At the summer camp I work at, I took my cabin of girls hiking one day. All but one of them were really athletic, and the other girl was struggling and negatively bringing herself down. It was so awesome to hear all the other girls walking with her and encouraging her with positive comments. I know it made that girl’s day because she was SO proud of herself for making it up the mountain.
Awesome post! I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s so sad how mean kids are to each other, and what society says is beautiful, because it REALLY affects lives, and can cause so much destruction from generation to generation.
And the reality is so far from what society says … we are all beautiful, we were all wonderfully made, and all special, and worth it, and enough!
This is a touching and amazing post girl, and society is so much to blame for this, I love Caitlin for doing that Operation Beautiful Book and now Her new one coming out for teens, her OB movement is so powerful : )
We are all beautiful, unique, and should love ourselves : )
Love ya girl! xoxo
Wow! I am going through this right now with my sister. She is in 7th grade and all she wants to do is fit in. Inevitable (and sadly) she has pinpointed why she is not “popular” is because she is “fat”-SHE IS NOT! She has turned to the scale repeatedly. I often feel guilty because I wonder if she picked up traits that I had when I was in the depths of my ED. I think we just need to remind young girls that beauty is truly on the inside, not a number on a scale or in a pair of jeans.
It is just plain sad that girls today base their whole life on their appearance and how it compares to the appearance of their peers.
It’s so awesome that as a teacher you can be a role model to these young girls and remind them that they are BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY THEY ARE!! Hopefully one day fat talk will be a thing of the past.
Great post Chelsey!
Chelsey, this post made my day. Thank you!
It hurts me when I see my friends criticizing themselves for the love handles that are NOT there, the way their hips are shaped, etc. They are absolutely GORGEOUS, but it depresses me that they can’t see it! Society tells girls that they have to live up to the unrealistic standards society has set.
I know that each person is unique and is a beautiful daughter of God who loves them. I know that we can make a difference in this world.
This post is so beautiful, I wish all young girls could read this. There is seriously so much more to life then looks. It seems as though girls are starting this “fat talk” so much younger than before and that is so sad. When I was picking up my cousin from middle school I heard a few young girls saying how they would do anything to be skinny, and one suggested they makes a pact to not eat dinner anymore. I wanted to run up to them and give them a huge hug and tell them how gorgeous and perfect they already are, it made me so sad to think they thought about themselves in such a sad way. I am so blessed to have been raised by an incredible mom who never even focused on weight, size, looks, at all. You are so amazing to keep promoting that girls everywhere are beautiful and being happy and healthy is much more important then being a certain size. Love your blog, soooo much!
Chelsea, thank you for this amazing post. Omg I cried. (for some reason, your posts are so touching, i.e. your mom’s bday tribute post and I cry..happy tears tho!)
But anyway…I am scared to death to send Skylar to school and have mean girls near her. I am scared of the messages she will hear, receive; not just from school but of course, our society, too. It’s a landmine raising a little girl, I tell you! And growing up, people used to call me names like huge, amazon, giant…I was tall. Very tall and so is Skylar and those names still haunt me when I think of the memories and how I felt when I was growing up.
Anyway thank you for this beautiful post!!
I am afraid to have a little girl too. Not that I don’t want to (I would LOVE to), but the world is so cruel to them. With a mom like you, Skylar will be just fine!
This post is absolutely amazing!!!your students are so lucky to have you!I wish I would have had people like you telling me I was beautiful at that age!keep it up girl
Wow Chelsea this is beautiful and SO needed. The media makes every little girls (and boys!) thoughts on their bodies so distorted and wrong. We should all accept ourselves and each other for the unique way we are. I remember feeling the tugs of the media and the “need” to be “thin” and therefore “beautiful” (distortion!!!) when I was younger and not til a few years ago did I finally realize that the thoughts were all wrong! I always worry about my little cousin (ok, she’s not little, she’s 19, but still little to me
) because shethinks she’s fat and she’s not. I’m running out of things to say/do to help her out. This post was so inspirational.
Thank you!
When I was in 8th grade, a guy started calling me “nose job” and then other people joined in. Next thing I knew, it was my nickname. I was already self-conscious about my nose, but wow, that turned it into a complex that I’ve never gotten past.
What a great post. I can remember to this day being told in 6th grade by a boy that my eyebrows were “funny shaped”. I’m still insecure about them. Girls were mean 10 years ago, but it seems like what they do today is just beyond my imagination. I hope that when I have kid that media will have made some changes so that kids can be carefree, innocent, and young as they should be at that age.
Isn’t it crazy that one comment sticks with you forever? I hope that when we both have kids media changes!
Such a touching post! I was just discussing this with my roommate.
No one should ever feel down on themselves about their weight. Everyone is truly beautiful in their own way
In the fashion industry, the weight issue runs rampant. And it is so sad that people define themselves based on the number they see on the scale. We all have so much more to offer!
I agree - since when is being different a bad thing?
What an awesome post! Thank you thank you! When ever my little sister says things like that about herself I feel so sad for her (she is 12) and you are right- gotta encourage her and tell all girls that your body doesn’t define you!
Thanks again
My niece is only 5 and falls into this trap a lot (interestingly, from her doctors and not really other kids). She is a solid, muscular little girl who was labeled as obese- even though she is nothing close to that if you saw her. She wanted to go on a diet afterwards- how sad is that?
That is so sad to hear.
I hate the wordy sammie, too!! yuck.
It breaks my heart every single time a patient calls themselves fat.
Keep preaching this message!
Great, important post. I wish everyone would think about this! I just wrote a paper about this for a class yesterday; this is a message that needs to get out! Fat talk definitely affected me when I was younger; even when it was said as a joke to me (a joke because I was so skinny that people likely thought I wouldn’t take it seriously),but all I could hear was the weight of the words and the negativity associated with them. Fat Talk needs to end!
It’s crazy to hear that people who are thin can fall into this trap because people “joke” with them!
Beautiful post! It makes my heart so sad to know that millions of young girls think they are fat and are worried about body image issues when they should be riding their bikes and having slumber parties with friends. I have 3 nieces, and we are very conscious about what we say around them. We build them up and tell them how beautiful they are, perfectly created in God’s image. I hope and pray that they can somehow avoid the trappings of disordered eating and fat talk. It’s important to have that foundation started at home.
I totally agree. I plan to preach that message when I have little girls!
This post hit home so hard for me, you have no idea. I’m almost positive I never would have struggled with disordered eating had I not been called fat, had I not been constantly told to suck in, had I not been sternly told to stop eating at meals. I don’t want to push the blame off on other people, because I think it’s deeper than that, but those comments have SUCH a way of wedging themselves into your subconscious and forcing you to see yourself in a negative light. I’ll never forget that after my tonsillectomy when I was ten, I’d lost a decent amount of weight since I could barely eat anything for a few weeks, and my mom was THRILLED about it. Similarly, when I was basically starving myself, my mom constantly praised my “discipline” and “initiative.” We have a really complicated (it’s really just bad, to be honest) relationship, and I think the fact that I’ve never felt thin or good enough for her is a huge part of that. I NEVER want my daughters to feel that way.
Whew, sorry for getting heavy there. But your last line is so true- many (not all, but many) girls learn negative self-image from their mothers, and I never want to be a part of that. Thank you for this amazing perspective- I need to remember this the next time the mirror and I aren’t getting along
Wow. That broke my heart Gabriela. It jsut goes to show that we do learn a lot from our mothers. I’m so sorry you have had negative experiences with yours, but I am so proud that you are going to change the cycle when you have daughters!
I love this post, Chelsey. It really really spoke to me. You had me crying over here. Now whenever I look in the mirror I will try to STOP criticizing myself.
I struggled a lot with people saying cruel things to me when I was younger. Not that they called me fat, but still, it hurts just the same. I love operation beautiful! Such a good idea.
I totally agree with you! Today I encountered a couple of 4th graders talking about one of their classmates who was “so skinny it’s disgusting.” Girls are so hard on each other, and also on themselves.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg??
Being a fellow teacher myself, I have heard young girls proclaim they are not pretty enough, skinny enough, perfect enough. I remember the first time my sister-in-law said she was fat (at 13 years old) and pulled up her shirt, poking at her stomach. She is a dancer, in the best shape any girl can be in, and she’s obsessed with the idea that she’s fat.
You’re totally right. What is wrong here? Why do girls feel that way, younger and younger?
I remember being in the 6th grade, with hair that I didn’t know how to style, clothes I didn’t know how to wear. It’s a sucky time period. It’s so important to remind girls everyday that they are beautiful, special, worthy.
I loved this post, in case you didn’t know.
Wow what a great post! I still remember the things people said to me when I was in that “awkward” stage and looking back I was never fat, but those words stuck with me for several year eventually developing into an eating disorder. Girls are downright cruel to each other, and I am scared for the day when I have children and they have to face this as well. BUT it all starts with us and by being good parents and setting a positive example for what beautiful really is, and what healthy mean is the ultimate and really only defense.
this is a beautiful post chelsey. it makes me want to drive 7 hours and give my niece the world’s biggest hug.
Chelsey, this is such a beautifully written post. I remember when I was younger thinking that I was too fat and needed to lose weight even though I never did. It really pains me to think of other young girls who are going through this as well, and I can only pray that they will one day look in the mirror and see how truly beautiful they are.
I am a big hater of fat talk because it can over power my own life. I run a girls group and one of the main things we cover are compliments and how to get away from complimenting people on their looks and compliment them on their unique traits. At the end of the session, the things they were telling each other was amazing and so heart felt.
Side note, I am a big fan of the word sammy, can we still be friends?!
That is a great lesson for those girls!
We can still be friends.
I am in a Gender Communication class right now and this topic has been the center of our discussions throughout the semester. I now have so many examples, I don’t even know where to begin. For me personally, I went through my awkward “chubby” (and according to the doctor this change in my body was normal, obviously) stage from the time I was about 10 until I was 12. By the time I was 13, I had grown several inches and lost my “baby fat.” But I still thought I was “fat.” Looking at at pictures, I was so skinny, that I almost looked too skinny. But that’s not the way I saw myself. It was all in my head.
I totally agree - I think that even doctors can fall into this for young girls. It’s sad what they’re preaching to them!
So, so, so well written, Chelsey. All I know is that those “mean girls” are terribly self-conscious. They hate the way they look and they hate the way they treat others. I wish someone could say to those girls “what’s going on in your world?” or “would you like to be called fat?” Anything that can make them just stop and THINK. God, it just makes me so sad that girls are like this. It’s terrible. I know those girls most certainly look up to a beautiful, kind teacher like yourself. And I know you’re impacting them in a positive way. Tell that girl she’s beautiful.
chels, GREAT post. So proud (:
Thanks Ryan.
This is a great post! I have a 13 year old niece who has been told from the first day of her life how beautiful and smart and special she is by her mom, grandma , and aunts. She might be a little conceited at times, but I haven’t heard any fat talk out of her. I think I’d rather she be over-confident than under.
I agree!
I remember growing up and having people pick on me and tell me that I was fat too. It stuck for years and years. I never really got over it until after I graduated college. I finally became healthier and thankfully, in my adult years, I had people see me for who I was on the inside. And now that confident person is out there!
I hate the word “nipple”. “Moist” is pretty bad too.
beautiful post chelsey! I have a baby girl and I am terrified when she gets to the age where she will start to hear/think things. I don’t want her to develop a low self esteem. I have to watch what I say, because one day she is going to listen, and if i am bad mouthing me, she will end up doing it to her.
as for the word I hate..fart..haha
I am so glad you censor what you say around your daughter. No matter how young, it can affect them!
It’s funny, I was NEVER called fat except for ONE time my dad called me slightly chunky (and I think that was mostly me taking it out of context) but I somehow clung to that and had SERIOUS issues for many, many years. I still do sometimes.
This was a wonderful post <3
Such a thoughtful, beautiful post! I admit that I struggle with fat talk. I often catch myself doing it while staring in the mirror. However, lately, I’ve really tried to cut it out. It doesn’t do me any good! It just puts me in a bad mood which isn’t very nice for me, and I’m sure that no one around me appreciates it. My husband and I want to have children in about 2-3 years, and I know that I need to get this under control before I become a mother. I don’t want to pass on such a burden to my children. We really need to stick together, and try to stop this nonsense with the next generation. I’m so inspired by what you wrote, so thank you for this.
I totally agree. I think we all struggle with it some days. I know I do too.
this is wonderful!! the whole fat talk is getting so out of hand.. i rmbr hearing a girl at my school who was 8 saying how she needs to lose weight.. and well when i was just 11 years old i developed an ED.. i was so so young!!! thank you for this post- beautifully written!
Such a great post! I have fought this my whole life because I was taller, developed earlier and in general was not a tiny petite girl who was athletically gifted all through intermediate, and junior high school. The kids were BRUTAL. The coaches did not help. I tried sports, I really did but the coaches weren’t interested in helping those that didn’t get it or didn’t fit their mold. One of the most humiliating experiences is having to run that damn mile in intermediate school. My parents weren’t interested in health, I wish they had cared more but they loved me unconditionally. To this day it is terribly hard for me to take a compliment (even from my husband) and I am in my 30′s. It took a few decades for me to finally be ok with being me and to be ok with my body type.
I had a little boy almost 10 months ago and am struggling to get down to my prepregnancy weight and that isn’t small compared to most people. It is the smallest I had been since high school. I am terrified to have a little girl, girls are meaner and harder on each other. I have a neice who is 7 who is gorgeous and who I build up continuiously and her mom is home schooling her and her brother. I don’t know if that is the best choice but I can understand why she is choosing it.
Anyway, I have found my inner athlete “finally” and love working out now. I struggle with the nutrition part of it but that is life. Now I look at my body and think hey not so bad, lots of experience marks on me, from stretch marks to muscle definition LOL!
LOVE THIS POST! I think it’s something we all face, but I’ve been around grade school girls and they’re talking about their weight more than I EVER remember even thinking about it! Needs to be stopped!
Awesome post Chelsey! This is such an important topic. I noticed this type of behavior going on during my observations in the intermediate school this year, and it just breaks your heart. As a young teenager, I wanted SO badly to be popular and fit in, and I saw girls in the same situation- one girl asked another why she wasn’t wearing mascara today. They’re 11 years old!! Now that I have a bit more perspective on life, I wanted to tell the girls that I saw that it just doesn’t matter that much. 10 years later, I can’t remember the names of the girls I wanted to fit in with, and I had so much more fun once I started to just be myself.
I don’t remember fat talk so much, but it all falls under the big umbrella of body image and self esteem.
Wow wow wow this post was amazing Chelsey! You are so lucky you have a job as a teacher because you have such a perfect role to influence your female students and try to instill in them a positive body image. I know you’ll do a fantastic job at it! <3
I never really thought about how *I* could influence the young girls in my life until I read this post though. My cousin is 11 and so she's right at that age where fat talk develops. Thanks to you I'm now going to make a special effort to make her feel beautiful.
Thanks for this. I’m on the verge of tears.
My thoughts are with that little girl. I hate to this happening. I just want to help them all.
Have your heard of Jonny Diaz’s song “There could never be a more Beautiful you?” Your last picture reminded me of that. Thanks for the post, Chelsey! So inspiring.
I love that song.
fantastic post!
it really is amazing how hard it can be to change the thoughts and tendencies that are ingrained in our psyche from such a young age, great for you to address this issue!
Thank you for this post. My dream is that my daughter will never feel “fat”, but I know I can’t shield from everything, but I can control what I say and do! I don’t even remark on her chubby cheeks and baby belly, you know, just in case.
Great post! I was the awkward, pimply-faced, chubby-cheeked girl, too. I always thought I was a little too plump. I’m glad that most of that thinking goes away with age. Thanks for bringing this subject up.
Great post, Chelsey. I know my parents love me to pieces, but I don’t think they told me how beautiful and amazing I was as a teenager. The more your parents tell you, the more you begin to believe it. We had mean girls at our school too - especially in High School. I remember feeling like my life was falling apart every time someone would poke fun at me for being different. Children are so sensitive and need to be reminded of how fantastic they are!
I love this post.
You should check out the documentary Miss Representation. It’s all about how the media misrepresents women in the media.
What a beautiful, touching post. I can relate to those tough days as a young teenager where we thought our friends were everything. A huge thank you for your efforts to encourage the girls at your school to be confident and happy!
I just found your blog today and I absolutely loved this post. My mom used to hound my sister and me for being too big when we were younger. We would always hear stories about how thin she was as a child. Also, being Asian, I was surrounded by people who were typically more petite than me, which confirmed to me what an oddball I was. Even though I know my mom did it with good intentions, it cut my self esteem in half and took me quite a while to be proud of my body and, in the end, proud of myself.
This.is.so.beautiful. I can’t even tell you how much I admire and respect you for such a positive message of loving yourself and not tearing yourself down. As a girl who was fat for 20 out of 26 years, I know the feeling all too well. And what I know now is…it just doesn’t matter. Weight is not the end all be all to life.
Thanks for sharing, my friend
I have my days too - which is why I try so hard to think positively because I know I work with very impressionable young ladies!
LOVE this post. I quit a job I loved (as a personal trainer) because I couldn’t figure out how to NOT be obsessed with how I “should” look (the schedule was hard on my family too). Even though my body was completely rocking then, it is still rocking enough now without fighting to keep my body fat at 14%. I have three kids, two of them teen/preteen daughters and I just knew they were watching my every move and are smart enough to pick up on my attitude about myself. There is nothing in the world worth starting out their womanhood like that.
My family’s health comes from the food we eat and playing together. Our bodies have the shape God intended them to. I hope my girls will always remember that that’s a beautiful thing!
Love this post, Chelsey. It breaks my heart to hear that girls that age could possibly think they’re fat-and takes me back to that time in my life. It’s not easy to be that age-esp. for girls! I grew up in a family where the adult women did talk about their weight and how they were “fat” (none of them were) and I too have vowed to NEVER talk like that in front of my daughter(s). Which ultimately begins with believing that I am perfect just the way I am. Not always easy, but so important.
I agree - I want it to be about being “healthy”!
Chelsey!
This is so beautiful.
This goes down in CEC history. You need a “Favorite Posts” page or something.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Most important job in the world. As a teacher you have the potential to make the impact that matters even if it never balances out the negatives.
Thanks for reminding us that no matter WHAT we so we still can have that effect. I am so in love with my neice. She scares me becasue she reminds me of myself. So far her body image seems amazing…I actually look up to her!
PS- There could never be a more beautiful YOU, Chelsey.
Thanks Missy.
I know you lvoe your niece so much and I am glad she has you in her life!
I think Operational Beautiful needs to take off more in Canada. This is an awesome post. More girls need to be aware that they are perfect, one post-it at a time (is right) and I think we should be seeing these post-its everywhere!
Make it happen, Lady!!
Amen. Amen. Amen.
One of my biggest hopes with M is to help raise a confident young lady who believes in her worth, beauty, strength, and more.
I have been horribly bullied for being abnormally tall and ‘lanky’ for almost all my life.
I never have never been called ‘fat’ but I have been teased for not having boobs, hips etc.
I think it’s important to not only end fat talk but also end gossip and bullying in general. You dont have to be ‘fat’ to be verbally and physically abused.
Thank you for such a great post
Are you me? Because I hate HATE “moist”, “sammy” and “nom nom nom”. “Fat” sucks, too.
Love this post! Thinking back to when I was 11 brought back a flood of emotions, even for just a second. I can remember being called fat and being told by my father’s sisters to “suck it in”. What a horrible thing to say to a young girl. I’ve always struggled with my weight. It’s been a rollercoaster but even now as I’m trying to lose weight for myself and my upcoming wedding, I finally feel content and happy with my body.
Oh my, I can totally relate (and I think that is a bad thing!) when I was in the 4th grade, my physician told me that I would always be the “husky child” in my family and my sister had the “Barbie figure.” Those words haunted me for years. Husky. It would be unfair for me to accredit all my eating disorder to that doctor, but I can say, and will boldly say, that those words played a part. They planted a seed in me that made me feel inferior to the other women in my family. Leaving the doctor that day, I had never felt so ugly in my life. And the crazy thing was is that I wasn’t fat! I was just tall, 99% on the age chart for my height and 70% for my weight. And I was 11! Just starting puberty! Girls need to be told they are beautiful and unique, not husky and never compared to others! Now, one of my daily affirmations and sayings is “comparison is the theif of all joy.”
I can relate to how frustrating it is to teach this age group-I taught 5th grade, too. I remember wanting to just be able to help the targeted girls understand how meaningless other people’s opinions of them were. How much in the scheme of life being popular in 5th grade is just not important. But to those girls, it is everything. The end of the year always seemed to be the worst time. Good luck in dealing with it. I wish there was some way I could protect my daughter from such influences as she grows up, but I know they will always be there. Thanks for a great post. Based on the comments, it’s clear that it’s touched a lot of people.
This is beautiful, Chelsey!
And I LOVE that song “there could never be a more beautiful you”! isn’t it by Jason Grey? It’s on the Christian station i listen to ALL the time <3 xo.
Yes - I love that song. It is one of my favorites.
I have a daughter who will turn 10 this month. Your blog brought tears to my eyes. My daughter is not fat, infact she is a skinny little thing. But they DO face all those scary mean things when girls get into cliques and can be so mean. She is in the “in” crowd in her little 4th grade class, but she’s a very caring sympathetic person. It’s bothering her really bad right now because her best friends are being mean to another girl, for what she feels is no reason. It’s sooooo hard to make her feel better about it. I feel powerless. I just try to tell her to stand up for what she thinks is right. Kids can be so horrible. Thanks for bringing this issue to light. I think that possibly the girls that are so mean are that way because of underlying issues (home life) and they are just insecure. If more people respected and raised thier daughters to be kind caring girls and treat others decently, than these problems wouldn’t be so bad! Sorry, I got off on that one!
I love your blog BTW.
More and more I make it a point to tell the women in my life just how truly beautiful they are. God has especially blessed me with two wonderful sisters (23 and 11) and I try to tell them just how much they mean to me, one honest compliment at a time
PS. I’m right there with you on your list “ugh” words. I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates “nom nom” and “sammy,” especially!!
Aaah fat talk… My mother (who has always struggled with her weight) would do an odd sort of fat talk to herself, about what she should or shouldn’t eat or what she looked like. I was on the heavier side as a child, but not overweight - just solid. But growing up with this, I thought that women were supposed to hate their bodies. I started thinking I was fat at the age of 7 (when I was slim and athletic)… these thought patterns, coupled with poor self-esteem and an even poorer body image, turned into an ongoing battle with anorexia and bulimia. I am 24 now, and have been semi-recovered and relapsed multiple times. I have flirted with death. I have lost so much in my life because I have been so engrossed in my eating disorder.
I am terrified that if I have children in the future, I will pass this on to them. I can only pray that I will be able to raise a daughter (or son) with a healthy body image and a healthy relationship with food and exercise.
Awesome post. My sister is a teacher, and she always tells me how her third graders are concerned with their weight. My 7 year old step daughter talks about fattening foods and fat all the time. I told her that the “f” word isn’t allowed to be used in our house. I really want to make sure that she grows up with a healthy self-image and that she realizes her worth has nothing to do with her weight.
Such a great (and necessary) post. I have a younger sister and try to remember how I was at that age (she’s 13) and how much confidence-boosting we need! Everyone deserves to feel special
What a brilliant post
I was reading a feature in the paper yesterday written by the mum of a six-year-old girl. The mum had read her diary and she was writing in it that she “looked silly” and was “fat” and so on… it was heartbreaking to read that a normal, gorgeous little girl was already thinking that… and you’re right in that because every little slightly negative comment can add up to a huge loss of self-esteem, it’s so important to counteract it, and by saying how great the little girl is not just because of how she looks! xx
I loved this post. It also scares me. I have a precious little 5 year old girl and I am already worried about her entering the school world and being exposed to all the ‘looks are everything’ messages. It is going to be brutal and I hate knowing that she’ll have to be exposed to all those messages. I’m off to love on her and point out her non-physical traits….
What a meaningful post, and so true.
This year, we have a Girls on the Run team at our school, and not only is the self esteem/character development impacted our girls, it’s also impacted their friends, as they talk about what they have learned with them. Programs like that are so vital and necessary for young girls today because the cruel world we live in today.
I teach third grade, and it saddens me that for some girls, it starts then.
I wish we had a girls on the run team - but unfortunately, I don’t think the girls who would need it the most would participate!
you’re right: one girl at a time. i make sure that i tell my younger sister every time i see them how awesome they are!
What a well-written and important post! I was lucky enough not to have been given many negative comments about my appearance when I was little (or at least none I remember), but when I got into high school and college I became so much more aware of my weight and my size. It is so hard growing up right now - the images of how girls are supposed to look are everywhere and so unrealistic.
I was a nanny for my cousins a couple summers ago, and I remember vividly my 6 year old cousin walking down the stairs in her bathing suit, asking “Do I look fat?” and genuinely meaning it. From then on, I was SO careful about everything I said to her. (Not that I said anything bad before, but she would pick up on any little thing). It truly breaks my heart that so many young girls and grown women have negative views of themselves and are unhappy with their appearances.
I also love Op. Beautiful and hope the message gets passed to every single young girl out there. Loved this post!
I came across your blog from Gabriela’s. This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me! I was picked on for the way I looked when I was younger (I look ‘different’ to the ‘normal’ blonde) and I’ve felt inadequate ever since.
I am guilty of basing my value off my looks and not for the nice,caring person that I am. This year i’m really hoping to change that and with posts like yours that really *click* I’m sure I will get there
Ps- Moist is my most hated word too hahah I laughed out loud when I saw that… too funny!! My bf adds it into sentences just to stir me up!!
Chelsey, this is a beautiful post. I didn’t think about my weight or body image till I was in high school and it pains me to think someone as young as an elementary schooler would have to think about those things
This was a really poignant post and really hit home for me. I am 28 and dealt with disordered eating (bordering on needing to actually go away to treatment at one point during college) for my entire life. It took me FOREVER to realize — literally, maybe until just a couple years ago — that my mom’s negative thinking about herself and her constantly voicing this throughout my life is what affected me. It’s sad that it took me so long to realize this and that I was molded since childhood to not be happy with myself because that’s all I knew. On the upside, when I become a mother I will tell them every day how beautiful they are and they will be the happiest children on the planet because they will be happy with themselves
Thanks for writing this, Chelsea!!
wow, you definitely said it all in this post. i was in high school and my boyfriend at the time told me my stomach was “weird”. he was talking about the little lower belly pooch that i have always had. regardless of the fact that i was smaller than i’ve ever been, i became convinced i was fat and wouldn’t wear a swimsuit or anything that fit tightly on my stomach after that for a couple years. it is so true that even just little things can make a big impact on how we view ourselves.
Not to mention that EVERY girl has that little belly pooch.
So sorry that you went through that!
Great and inspirational post! I coach young girls in volleyball, and they always make comments during conditioning about being fat in their spandex and we always make sure to tell them the conditioning is only to get stronger and stay in shape and athletic bodies are powerful and beautiful!
Thank you for this post. As a girl who has fought with an eating disorder this is though to read. I am a teacher and I want all the girls to see the worth in themselves that I see in them. I pray that someday I will be able to see the worth that God sees in me. Years of being hard on yourself is a hard habit to break. Your inspirational post has truly made me think of how I need to be an example of loving myself for my kids.
Thank you Chlesey! God Bless!
Wow Julie - such an amazing story. I’m glad I could lend some inspiration!
Love this post!
Oh thank you for posting this. I have tears running down my face, recognition from my own childhood and then yesterday my own daughter, 9 years old, asking me if I thought she was fat. I hate it. I hurt for her, for me and for all of us women who stuff down our talents and clip our own wings trying to fit the idea of “perfect” in our bodies. I have only recently made semi peace with my body but am conscious enough of my own self hatred to NEVER talk about my perceived flaws around my impressionable daughters. It doesn’t matter. They get it other places. Not good enough has been my theme song and I am terrified that it will be my own daughters source of pain and angst. How do we stop this madness? Thanks for being human and sharing such a tender thoughtful post.
Thank you for the comment, Mel. I know no matter what we do, little girls will always hear “fat talk” in other places even if we shelter them from it. I think the thing that’s most important is they are shown love and spoken to correctly at home.
You know- fat talk is awful, but I think it goes so far beyond that. Any judgement made on others’ bodies starts to grate on me. When did we become bodies and not people? It seems like it’s almost always about girls or women. “too fat, too thin, too short, too loud, too dark skinned, too fair skinned…” blah blah blah. Is this the way we think about others? I guess this is something I think about sometimes and certainly have heard others bring up many times over. How do you stop it? I work with kids of varying ages, and I try so hard to help them focus on their strengths, and also what they need to work extra hard on. But I always, always keep the focus off of physicality, because what the devil does that mean in the scheme of things? But we sure are “told” in whatever way, that it matters.
Wow, long comment. Sorry! Thanks for the thoughtful post.
Meri
Amazing post.
I can vividly remember my neighbor talking about her daughter (who was probably 5 0r 6 - I was 4) waking up one morning and saying “ok mom, we’re going on a diet today” and she thought it was so cute. Even then I didnt like that idea.
And though I dont blame her at all for any of my past issues, I cant remember a time in my life when my mom wasnt on a diet, or saying she needed to lose weight. Thats just not how life should be. Its not something girls should have to deal with. When did it stop being ok to just be yourself?
Oh man, what a great post (although my apologies for reading it a little late!) - I had a little girl crying the other day in my class because 2 other girls had called her fat. I wanted to cry WITH her…it was just so sad. I had a full sit-down conversation with the name callers, but it didn’t really seem to phase them. It’s just to sad that 9 year olds are already doing this!
I was so awkward and skinny as a tween…I was so self-conscious of my lack of boobs/hips/etc. Yet, I remember going on a diet in 7th grade because I heard my friends talking about it. I hope to pass a better example on to my daughter!
Inspirational, touching, and thought-provoking post. Thank you, Chelsey. I will be sure to make sure my toddler nieces know how beautiful and wonderful they are on the inside. I’ll keep telling that awesome woman in the mirror, too.
I love this post! Sadly, I think nearly every woman can relate to the painful memories. The Be you book looks awesome! I seriously need to check it out this summer
Well written! Yodays socitey is so messed up
What a great post! So glad that you want to help raise awareness of this epidemic. Another wonderful book is Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls By Mary Bray Pipher.
THanks for the feedback Kendall. And I must say that I looove your email address. I literally laughed out loud when I saw that!
Incredible post Chelsea! I can’t believe it took me this long to get a chance to read it. How quickly we as adults forget what it’s like to be that young and to be so overwhelmed by little things. I had a talk with my mother about a year ago about how she was referring to herself (and her weight) in front of my little sister. It took me years to realize where my own self-consciousness came from…years of growing up with a mother who was not happy in her own skin. She’s come a long way since then and once I brought it to her attention how I thought it might be affecting my sister, she did her best to keep the negative thoughts silent as much as possible…which in turn could explain why I think she’s more accepting of herself now.
Of course, there are always days when all we need is a little reminder. Thank you so much for posting this!
I am anorexic, but no one has ever called me fat or put me down for being large, ever. Sometimes all it takes is someone else calling themselves or thinking they are fat. For me it was my mother. She was overweight just a little bit, and my entire early childhood she was on weight watchers. When I was very young, I first thought, hey, mum wants to lose weight, maybe I should too. As I got older, she abandoned weight loss, and I decided I COULDN’T turn out like her! So I stopped eating, and here I am today.
What a great post! I wasn’t fat in school but I wasn’t thin either and I remember feeling awkward and out of place. Thankfully I had great friends who loved me the way I was.
I hate to see girls doing this to each other.
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