Did I waste 14 years wondering about what others thought? The truth is – yes.
And some of you out there may have wasted even more time than fourteen years hating yourself for who you are – when in fact you are an absolutely positively beautiful perfect woman.
It’s no surprise to you all that I am a passionate person. More importantly, I am passionate about young girls. These beautiful, wonderful young ladies who are begging to be loved, striving to be what you want them to be.
Let them be themselves.
Some days I’m scared. I’m scared to be a mother. I’m scared to work with little girls each day. I’m scared I will make the wrong impression upon them. If there’s anything I wish for little girls, it’s that they don’t spend – okay, waste – years, months, days, minutes… even seconds of their life concerned about what others think about them.
Part of me wants to have little boys someday. Little boys who are carefree, who don’t have the same chemistry in their brains, and aren’t concerned about the rest of society shaping them into insecure beings. Not that that is always the case with little boys, but for the most part.. it’s true. I want little boys so I don’t have to worry about making a negative impact on my daughter, an impact that will shape her into the woman she is meant to be. Being a mother/role model for a woman means everything. It may be the most important job a woman every really has to take on.
Of course right now, I don’t have a little girl. I have no children to speak of. I do have little cousins and beautiful nieces, one in particular who already shows how much she wants to fit in and be accepted by others. Because of this, I watch what I say. I reprimand my sister when something is said in front of my impressionable niece that could ultimately crush her spirit. It doesn’t take much. Just one muttered comment could break a little girl to pieces. Who really wants to be responsible for such heavy hearted situations?
For those same reasons, I yearn for a little girl. I want to have an impact. I want a daughter who I can tell every day that she is beautiful, that she is worthy, that she is the most perfect creature God ever made in the entire universe because she is… herself. But when facing reality, there really is no guarantee what I will say or do will really have an impact. For example, I have an amazing mother.
A mother who always supports me.
A mother who stands on my side and sticks up for me.
A mother who tells me I am the love of her life, that she loves me no matter what.
A mother who is my best friend.
Somehow, someway – I still cared about what others thought about me. The question, again, comes back to – why in the world… no, how in the world are we ruining our little girls?
Standards. Expectations . Bad role models.
The answer is clear as day in front of us.
I hope and pray for my someday daughters that they feel secure with themselves, love themselves, and crate an aura around them that says “I really don’t give a damn what you think about me” – in the least cocky way as possible, of course.
I have a little girl in my classroom right now who does just that. She loves herself – she loves others – she could care less about what other people think. She sticks up for herself. She stands up for others. She tells her peers when they’re making a bad choice. She is so confident in herself that she would much rather play by herself when everyone else is making a poor choice. In all of this, others flock to her. She excels. She succeeds. Because she is confident, sure of herself, not able to stoop down to what others say about her – everyone loves her. Everyone wants to be like her. Everyone can see just how special she really is. As a fifth grader, she is still impressionable and apt to change throughout the rest of her adolescent years. I hope, I pray, I wish – that she stays true to herself and keeps those exact personality traits and grows into a strong and independent woman that proves to be a positive influence on others.
She, in fact, is a positive influence on me. I see the way she thinks of herself, speaks of herself, and know that I am too harsh. I can let up a little, live a little, and create the same aura around me that she does for herself. Funny how the world works – a ten year old influencing a twenty three year old.
It’s time to break out of my shell, to take on the world, and when my confidence shines through, I don’t want it to be a mask.
I want it to be real.
It will be real.
It is real.
I am beautiful. I am perfect. I am enough.
Those nagging voices telling me that I am a loser, a nothing, an ounce of what others might be can be banished in an instant, shattered in the mirror that I look through each morning.
{ 69 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow this is great!! You rock!
These two posts were really amazing. It really is funny how young kids can influence us. Great post for all women out there
There are not enough great words for this post - perfectly said and so very true. You are amazing Chelsey!!
wow this my favorite post. You are a great teacher and I’m sure you will be a great mother someday because you realize how important it is for girls to love themselvesand to have good role models. Even more importantly, you know the struggle and have experienced the pain. The little girl in your class has something special that i think we all would love to have. I pray that she doesn’t ever lose it and that maybe along the way more and more girls pick it up.
Thank you Mariah! That was such an uplifting comment.
Wow! These two posts are so amazing. I couldn’t agree more. I feel like as a woman my mind is constantly going a million miles an hour. I am trying harder every day to wake up with a positive outlook and just “do me”. Since beginning to do this I have been SO MUCH HAPPIER. It is unreal!
I too frequently wonder if I am being a positive role model for little girls that I encounter every day whether it is a family member, friend, or stranger.
How wonderful, Abby! I think it’s good to not set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and just do what we can!
I love this chelsey! I have definitely had the same feelings as you about having a girl or boy someday. Honestly the thought of having a girl scares me…in fact it has scared me to the point that I’ve considered not having kids. I know all the pressures I face everyday and have experienced and I don’t know if I could handle all that my mom has had to put up with. It honestly is the hardest job in the world to be a mother to a little girl. You have to try and teach them and keep them on the right path while the rest of the world is working against you. But honestly its posts like this that give me such great reassurance and motivation that what ever challenges come my way when I’m older…I’ll be able to handle…because I am strong and can do anything I set my mind to. Thanks Chelsey!
I think every girl or woman experiences these feelings at some point in their lives, and some men too. Loving yourself is easier said than done sometimes.
Interesting discussion…. although the word that sticks out for me is the mention of “perfect”. There is no such thing as perfect. “Perfect” says there are no flaws, but it is ok that there are flaws, because what some people perceive as flaws is highly loved by others. It is a matter of perspective and interpretation. If there would be a perfect we would all me measured against the same thing. But we are all unique. And we are whole, and complete, and enough.
I know there’s no such thing as perfect, but I think what I was meaning to say is that I am perfect just the way I am - flaws and all.
I agree. Someone once told me “Your flaws make you perfect.” I try to think that way about things. Like art, we wouldn’t have masterpieces if everything was “perfect.”
No words, just wow and thanks for being the change you want to be in the world. I know you are inspiring little girls today (even 32-year old girls, yeah hum!)
32 year olds are still little girls in my heart.
This is a beautiful post.
I’m also inspired by children and how carefree and honest they are.
But I’m also inspired by you because of how you just put yourself out there in your last two posts.
Incredible.
Because of you, Chelsey, I look at my job a little differently than I did before. I always try to be a role model of how to treat others. I thought that was *THE* most important thing I could teach my amazing kiddos. And because of you; I now see my job, teacher, as an opportunity to be role model of how to treat MYSELF as well.
Now, when I hear “Wow, Mrs. Housman. You look reeeealllly pretty today!” With a smile on my face I reply “Well, thank you very much you sweetheart, you!” “I think YOU are very pretty! (or stinkin’ awesome if it’s one of my boys)”
I thank you for that.
This is such a worthwhile and well-thought-out post. I love people like that who are so secure yet at the same time so kind and considerate. I’m striving to be more like that, too. All part of the process right?
Beautifully written post.
You are also one talented writer!!!
My mom is also my role model because of her strength, confidence, and ability to love everything that comes across her path. I hope to one day give my children the same sense of love and security she has given me and my sister.
This may sound a little weird, but I really do love you and your blog
Thanks Parita! I kind of love you too.
Love the honesty. And, not to be a buzzkill, but little boys grow up to be insecure too. I’m a high school teacher and I see boys suffering from peer pressure, self-doubt, and insecurity just as much as the girls. They just show it differently- they’ll call a friend a rude name, punch something, storm out of class, etc…
When it comes down to it, all you can do is love your kids (or students), set the best example you possibly can, and hope for the best. It’s the whole nature/nurture thing. If you do your best with the what you can control than hopefully they’ll be prepared for the crazy things life throws at them.
Oh I have no doubt in my mind that boys have insecurities as well. While they might be different and be shown differently than girls, I just think girls are more plagued by this (or maybe I just think so because I am a girl).
I think we definitely get the short end of the stick when it comes to insecurities about our looks. Makeup, curling irons, bras, shoes, etc… so much pressure to be well put together. Ahhh, to role out of bed throw on whatever and not think twice
This post was so well written, honest, and inspiring! I hope someday every little girl can be as confident as the one in your class. She’s setting such a great example!
Great post, Chelsey! One of the things that I admire most about your blog is that you seem to be genuine. You’re YOU. And that is why everyone else loves you so much.
Thank you.
This is great Chelsey. Let’s hope there’s LOTS of other women who feel the same and want to be a good example for the young girls in their lives. I know I do! And if those nagging voices ever return, do me a favor and tell them “Lauren thinks Chelsey is awesome!”
Beautiful, brave writing. Beautiful, brave person. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so much Maggie!
Chelsey, this is such a beautiful post. I love love love it. I think you really put things into perspective in talking about young girls and boys because when we focus our energies outside of ourselves, the world becomes so fuller and richer - and more beautiful too. We all have insecurities, and i think we have to shed them for ourselves, but we also are motivated to shed them for the sake of others - and i think that’s a noble thing - to step out of our own minds and our own little bubbles and remember how relational we are and how each and every one of us affects and has an impact on other lives! your post really made me think a lot, and i’m so glad you shared chelsey =) really, this is such a valuable post.
i love this post : ) i have an amazing mother too, and i hope for a daughter someday.
Chelsey you are SUCH an inspiration! I wish I had people like you to influence me when I was in middle school and high school. You’re amazing!
I love this followup and seriously, what a beautiful message and post!
Ummm…ok, seriously? Every jumbled thought, question or idea I have ever had on this subject, you eloquently expressed!! I too have often thought, “Do I really want to have a daughter, risking that I could mess up, make mistakes and create another insecure girl in this world?” But you know what I have to remember? Giving in to that fear would be giving into MY insecurities! I feel like I may not be the perfect mom and I may not instill in her all that I hope, or all that she needs. But COME ON! No one is perfect. And no matter how hard a mother tries, sometimes there are just certain personalities that tend to be more insecure than others. Then when outside influences are added on top, only that makes it worse. Fearing those things is allowing our insecurities to control us. I want to have a daughter so I can raise her up into a confident young woman, who can help other insecure young women find freedom! Yes, she might go through a stage of insecurity, but since I have fought and won the battle, I can help her pull through too. It is seriously one of my biggest passions and desires to influence and help young ladies and girls find their self worth, confidence, value and identity, so they can understand that they are already valuable simply because of who they ALREADY ARE; they don’t attain value because of something they become. I love your vision and desire to do the same! I wish there were more people like you.
Beautiful!
How inspiring. Thank you so much for this!
SUCH a beautiful post <3
You ARE beautiful-inside & out!!
I am thankful for having sons. But I agree that if I’d had a daughter, I would have put everything I have into making sure she believed in herself and knew her worth and beauty.
this is beautiful! <3
You are beautiful, and this post is amazing.
“I am beautiful. I am perfect. I am enough.” This made my day. You are amazing, Chelsey!
Chelsey,
Thank you so much for the last two posts. I can completely relate and I know a lot of other people can too. Thank you for your bravery and confidence to be so honest and bless us with your words. You are amazing.
This is such a beautiful post. I am constantly fighting my insecurities and I like to remind myself of when I was younger and didn’t care how I looked or what people thought about me all the time.
And this is why your blog is my favorite. Real, honest, genuine, true! So very beautiful, just like you! I am bookmarking this to read over and over, amazing post!
I love this post Chelsey! Thank yous o much for reminding us all that we should be proud of our self! It is so had sometimes (or most of the time), but it is the only way to be truly happy! And I know we trweat others with more respect too, if we respect ourself! Just like the girl in your class! I love that story! Girls like that just GLOWS!
I have the same thoughts about being a mother! Because of my bad self confidence, Im just so scared to give that to my (in the future-) children.
My mom is the best! I love her, she loves me so much! But, she have always had really poor selv-respect! I do not blame her on how I see myself, but I belive that if she had treated her self better, I would (maybe) had too! We are both working at that at the moment, and I hope we`ll get there
Thank you for sharing your thoughts- you ARE a greatrole model ( I totally love you) and you are going to be a fantastic mom!
I love this second part! Such a good outlook, Julie! I’m saving this on my computer to read when I need a little inspiration to keep positive. Thank you!
Beautiful post Chelsey!
No matter what gender of children you have, you are going to be an amazing mother and role model to them!
Great post Chelsey! And that little girl in your class sounds awesome!
You’re awesome. Thanks for the great message! I love the end - I am enough. I tell myself “I’m good enough” every time I start running or biking. I think it really helps take the edge off, to realize that my best is GOOD for me. Great post
YOU ARE AMAZING!! That girl sounds inspirational, and so are YOU! Just as she is an inspiration to you, YOU are an inspiration to thousands of us!! Oh, and you are going to make an AWESOME momma and your kid will be a very lucky one
This was a beautiful post, Chelsey! The words you chose were perfect!
“It’s time to break out of my shell, to take on the world, and when my confidence shines through, I don’t want it to be a mask. I want it to be real.”
Love this!!
I also often think about what impact I may have on my future daughters if it is in fact meant for me to be a mother some day. I would love to be in the presence of a totally confident woman for 24 hours just to have some of that confidence “wear off on me” for a brief moment!
My biggest problem seems to be that once I “get over” a flaw or imperfection that troubles me, it is somehow brought to my attention by someone and then the process of learning to accept that flaw starts all over!
I developed spider veins in my legs during college (thank you retail job where I could never sit down) and went YEARS wearing pants during the summer months because I was too self conscious to put on a pair of shorts. It took a while to develop an “I don’t care” attitude, but one day I said to heck with it and put on a pair. Wouldn’t you know that same day, a member of my OWN family mentioned something about my veins looking bad?! Yeah, the shorts were thrown to the back of the closet and weren’t seen again for a year or so. Now, I HONESTLY don’t care! Why should I have to suffer the summer heat in a pair of heavy jeans while others get to run around barelegged and carefree? They could be a LOT worse…or I know this sounds morbid, but what about amputees? Here I am obsessing over ugly veins in my legs while there are people out there with far worse troubles! Now THAT puts things into perspective!
I totally know how you feel with that one. I have a really ugly (like REALLY ugly) vascular birthmark on the front and back of my thigh. They look like popped veins, and well.. they’re just not pretty. I have to get used to everyone seeing again every summer!
One of the big turnarounds for me when I was dealing with an eating disorder was when my nutritionist asked: “Would you want your future daughter to feel this way? Would you tell her the same things you tell yourself?”
Great one! Why do little girls have to be so darn impressionable???
You are one powerful-talking, kickass clean eater, Chelsey!
Beautiful post.
Thank you for writing this. Being secure with you are I think is a constant battle for most women, even if you appear secure to others. It’s nice to see you write something so honest and personal.
wonderful!
You are truly so wise and beautiful girl! I love this!
I have had those feelings as the ones you mentioned, and I just always remember that we are all beautiful and unique, life is too short to put yourself down and be negative, love ya girl! Beautiful Post!!!
So many women can relate to what you have gone through and feel, so can I! You are beautiful and you are enough. Thank you for writing this! I love how children can start to teach us things about life when we let them.
I absolutely love this entire post. Every woman needs to read this!
you’re awesome! LOVE this!
I had “friends” exactly like yours when I was a teenager - I should have listened when my mum and dad didn’t like them!
Brilliant posts, both of them and I love especially that last picture of you x
Chelsey, you are amazing. I love these 2 posts. You are seriously so inspirational, I think we all need to reevaluate what’s going on in our lives and the way little girls are transformed into women.
I have always felt the exact same way about which gender of children I would rather have. I only want to have boys, for the same reasons. This is really sad if you think about it. I know men and boys have struggles too, but I agree with what you said. I am terrified to have a daughter like me. In fact, I don’t really want to have children at all just because I don’t want to bring a person into life’s struggles.
Thank you so much for such an affirmative and moving post Chelsey. It’s sad that we can look in the mirror each day and tell ourselves things that we would never dream of saying to another person but it’s “normal” to use that kind of self talk. I have a cousin who is about 14 now and I am so careful about what I say around her because I remember how damaging it was to be a young girl who was a little chubby and have comments made about me. I wish for her to grow up to be strong and independent and not be as messed up about her body image as I am.
Thank you for such an eloquent reality check and inspirational post.
I have to say, your two posts about insecurities have been some of my favorite posts ever, on any blogs. I couldn’t agree more with what you have to say, and know from experience, too. What grade did you say you teach again? (i’m sorry, I have to leave for work soon and don’t have time to dig around and find out!)
I’d love your thoughts on my latest post: I got to talk to a fourth grade class yesterday!
I wuv youuuuuuu !!! <3
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