Setting: The CEC household on the afternoon of our friend Courtney’s wedding. Chelsey is dressed, ready to go, and the Husband is still fumbling around trying to find dress socks. They are running late (surprise, surprise)…
CEC: Husband! Let’s go! I don’t know what is taking you so long. I swear you take longer to get ready than I do.
Husband: (rushes down the hall to find shoes and socks) I do not — you were hogging the bathroom for the entire hour I was planning on getting ready.
CEC:(follows Husband around endlessly everywhere he goes — this annoys the Husband as he knows they are late. CEC is only making it worse by frustrating the Husband) Okay, but seriously? What do boys need to do to get ready? You spent more time getting ready than I did and now we’re going to be late for the wedding. Do you know how tacky that is? We cannot be late to our friends’ wedding.
Husband: (finds one black sock) We wouldn’t be late if I could find my other black sock. Do you have a sock purgatory anywhere?
(Definition of sock purgatory: a basket filled with socks that have sadly lost their mates. They wait in sock purgatory until their mate has been found.)
CEC: There are no black socks in the basket. Seriously, can we get a move on?
Husband: Can you seriously stop talking?
CEC: (heads to the kitchen to wait for the Husband, tapping foot at quite a fast pace which makes a lot of noise in heels — she hopes the Husband senses her irritation)
Husband: Found it! (saunters into the kitchen to put on socks and shoes)
CEC: Can’t you put those on any faster?
Husband: Woman, go get into the car. (::side note:: The Husband finds the word “woman” as a term of endearment… ::sigh::)
(CEC and the Husband are now in the car heading off to the wedding. The time is 2:58. The wedding starts at 3:30. It takes over a half an hour to get to the location without traffic on the one lane road they must take to get there.)
CEC: We are going to be late. I know we’re going to be late. I bet you we are going to be late.
Husband: We are not going to be late. I’ll get us there on time.
CEC: But we can’t even just get there “on time”. It’s a wedding. You have to be there a few minutes early. How in the world am I getting sucked into your “being late” routine? This drives me crazy. We’ve only been married a year and already I am always late.
Husband: That’s because I hate waiting for people.
CEC: Have you ever thought people hate waiting for you?
Husband: (refuses to answer that question) We’re not going to be late. I’ll get us there by 3:15.
CEC: No way. I’ll bet you $50 you won’t get us there by 3:15.
Husband: $50? (thinks for a moment) 3:20. I’ll get us there by 3:20.
CEC: (laughs) There is no way you will get us there by 3:20. Bet is on.
Husband: (laughs at wife) You don’t even have $50 to bet.
CEC: You think so, huh? Little do you know where I stash my cash then. $50 is on.
Husband proceeds to drive through the streets of Illinois like a crazy person, only making CEC remember the days when they were dating and the Husband thought he was a drag racer. She’s a little afraid of her life, but very smugly thinking they will be on time… and is happy.
Husband: (looks at the clock) We’ve only got 5 more blocks to go and we have 5 minutes left. I’m totally going to win.
CEC: (looks at clock) You’re right. (thinks to herself about how she doesn’t care because they will be on time)
Husband: (pulls into parking lot) It’s 3:17 — pay up pretty lady, you just lost $50.
CEC: You think I even care about the $50? I’d gladly give up $50 to be on time for once in our lives. You’ll get your money when we get home.
One day passes and CEC hands the $50 over to the Husband as she is packing for her trip to New York. The Husband looks at the $50 and then fishes around in his wallet for something. He hands CEC something.
CEC: (looks at the money in her hand) Why are you giving me $110?
Husband: I figure you need more money for your trip.
CEC: So I bet you $50…. lost… and made $110 back? You’re the best husband ever. I need to gamble more often.
Moral of the story — even when the wife loses, she always wins. Happy wife, happy life.
Question: What’s the best bet you’ve ever won? What about the worst one you’ve ever lost?
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