I feel like I’ve failed you.
You may not know it from the looks of things, but this is kind of a food blog. A place where I talk about food and share recipes, charm you with my wit, and then you comment about how funny I am. ::sigh:: I miss those days.
Which is ironic because I have yet to post a recipe in the last 19 days. NINETEEN! I have done a lot of things in nineteen days, but creating a recipe for your taste buds to rejoice due to gluten free/vegan deliciousness has not been one of them.
See? I have failed you.
All this time you have probably been crossing your fingers every time a new post shows up on CEC. A new dessert? Has she used the grill again? Can I get a granola recipe up in here? But instead, all I’ve done is been ostentatious about my recent travels. ::sigh:: I’m such a bad friend.
Yesterday, I thought to myself, “that’s it! I need to get back on track before I head back to school in 19 days!” And then I cried and ate ice cream from the carton because I’m going back to work in 19 days.
Something about this number 19 is rubbing me the wrong way folks.
So off I went, pulling out ingredients, firing up Big Bertha like I’ve never fired her up before (side note: I had never fired up Big Bertha before). The goal? Chickpea burgers. Who doesn’t want a chickpea burger flame broiled on the grill on a (really) hot summer day? Because there’s nothing like standing in front of a grill when it’s already 90 degrees, right?
They look promising, don’t they?
I even sucked it up, turned the oven on, and precooked them in the oven so they couldn’t slip through the grill cracks come dinner time.
While they were in oven, I thought about a funny little anecdote I could tell you to go along with these burgers. Maybe something along the lines about the last time I made the Husband eat a lentil burger.
Well, I cooked them… and cooked them… and you know what? Almost an entire hour had gone by.
This, my friends, is what happens to a food blogger when she has not cooked for 19 days.
19 can kiss my behind for all I care. Something about yesterday made me think I was going to kick 19’s butt, but instead it kicked mine.
And then I cried and ate more ice cream from the carton.
And then when dinner rolled around, I still ate one because well, looks aren’t everything.
Did I mention they didn’t really taste that good either? Yeah, I was hungry.
So, welcome to my food blog — where I cook things, fail miserably,and don’t give you a recipe.
I hope you come back soon.
Question: What was your last recipe fail? Do you get “rusty” if you’re out of the kitchen for a while?
{ 61 comments… read them below or add one }
hahahaha love this! ummm… 2 weeks ago i tried to make a summer squash bake. not only was it disgusting but then i charred the shit out of it in the oven so it was black. #fail!
Haha awwr girl. I’m sorry about your burgers not coming out. The last recipe fail I had was some coconut flour pancakes… the batter was delicious, but the little buggers just would. not. cook. They ended up a gloopy mess that was basically inedible.
That happened to me too!!! I’ve heard coconut flour does not stick together well!
You know, I think those mushy burgers still look fabulous - IMHO, anything involving chickpeas is a win. The only way they can be spoilt is with the addition of too much coriander, sweetcorn, or peas, and I don’t *think* you added any of those things!?
My last recipe fail was some cookies, which were just like flattened pancakes of sugar. Very odd!!
Nope, none of those ingredients were involved!
Haha awww I’m sorry those didn’t work out! I tried making falafel once and it was AWFUL. Like, really terrible. Chickpeas are sometimes my friend and sometimes not.
At least my chickpea tacos that I made last night turned out splendid
I love that you shared a recipe that didn’t turn out so well - I thought I was the only one with kitchen fails!
haha heck no! I fail alll the time.
Hurrah! I do this sort of thing all the time
Thank you for sharing it and I come to your blog more because it’s yours and you’re entertaining and funny that for the recpies - which are also great!
If it’s any help, the crunchiness of the burgers looks delicious
I don’t really look at kitchen fails as fails — they are learning experiences!
Ha this is funny!
I don’t know if I get out of practice but I definitely make mistakes. Everyone does!
oh man, I have kitchen “fails” all the time! At least I try though, right?! That’s what I tell myself : )
My last FAIL was when I tried to make homemade muffins from scratch. Came out more like biscuits.
Haha no worries girl! We all have cooking slumps sometimes!
Haha - here I am laughing and telling you that you’re funny. So I would say that number 19 was a success after all!
Please forgive me…but HALLELUJAH! I’m not the only kitchen fail. I love you even more now. Does that make 19 a little sweeter at all?
no. not at all.
It happens to all of us love…your next recipe might just knock out socks off. I definitely get rusty when I haven’t cooked for awhile!
Gah!!! There’s nothing I love more than a bean burger recipe. You totally got my hopes up with that title. I’m pretty sure I have more kitchen fails that successes. Oh well, that’s why I have you to give me recipes!
don’t worry - I’ll keep on trying for yoU!
I didn’t do so hot baking the other day. The cookies were fine, just not up to my standards. Which of course would happen when I was wanting to send them out to people… lame!
Hahaha it happens to the best of us! I have kitchen mistakes all the time and just laugh it off
Though sometimes I have shed a few tears.
Lucky for you, we like reading about your travels! I fail in the kitchen. All. The. Time. More often than not. Seriously if I posted about all my failures the blogging world would kick me out.
This means your next recipe will be amazing
I learned the hardway last friday not to bake when its humid outside. My cookies ended up being a healthy cookie skillet and wayy to gooey.
I’m hoping so!
did you try xantham gum? Anyway, my latest fail was a no bake cookie that was a globby (albeit tasty) mess of oaty chocolaty banana mess.
I usually use xantham gum in my baked goods, but not in burgers! I’ll have to try that.
I have recipe fails weekly…ugh. I usually cry because I’ve wasted good ingredients. But I usually eat them anyway. I think the last thing that failed was vegan frosting..it was like soup. Tasty soup.
I fail all.the.time! I just don’t blog about it very often. Maybe I should. I got a good laugh out of this.
My last fail was a week ago. I put wayyyyy too much salt into my pancake batter. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach!
Kitchen fails are a part of being a cook! Or at least that’s what I tell myself when I make a few too many oops in the kitchen :p
AHAHAH i am A FAIL- like legit.. everything i do.. !
ahaha. yes. but let’s be honest, with my ADD, I’m almost always rusty in the kitchen. I just like to pay attention to too many things at once and can’t focus on just one recipe at a time. wah!
Best comment ever! I never thought about how hard it would be to cook with ADD!
I hate it when the recipe sounds good in theory, but just doesn’t work in real life. The worst is when it looks and photographs beautifully, but tastes like blahhh. Luckily the bf always seems to enjoy the recipe failures… like the 20+ scones he’s loved after failures the past 2 weekends.
Don’t stress girl…it happens! My last snafu was just last week in fact…tried to make caramelized onions and ending up burning them to hell…the smoke alarm was going off and it was awful. The house stunk for days and days. No, you aren’t the only one who messes up. We have those. Veggie burgers are so tough. I still don’t have a recipe I like..mine are either too mushy or just fall apart…..or are either too strong or too bland. Hang in there…..I was definitely rusty getting back from a week off, but it comes back…just like riding a bike!
It took me many many times to get caramalized onions to work in my favor!
I eat my failed recipes too, including the leftovers.
There is just something about throwing away food that irks me!
hahahaha…I just love everything about this post
That is the reason I am not a “food blogger”. 99.9% of my meals look like that, or worse! :/
My last several fails involved trying to use stevia in baking instead of sugar. no go.
Last recipe fail was a spinach-turkey meatloaf (which my mom made). I actually really enjoyed it, but no one else did, so they all went out to frozen yogurt for dinner
haha aww but it was a good effort!
i tried to roast some veggies (seemingly an easy task) but poured so much liquid aminos it was way salty (but i ate it anyway because it is food and i do not have the money to waste any money heh!)
Hahaha! I totally know where you are coming from. I REALLY badly messed up some tempeh that I was making..and it was bad. I mean really bad. Like my husband eats everything (garbage disposal!) & he wouldn’t even eat it. Yikes!!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one with kitchen fails! We forgive you
This was a hilarious post. I’m sorry that your recipe didn’t quite work out, but you definitely charmed us with your wit, missy!
Oh no! I too had veggie burgers turn into veggie crumbles! Even worse, not too long ago I tried to make macaroni and cheese from scratch for my husband. . . the whole thing kind of boiled over, and the hot cheese hit the oven bottom, creating tons of smoke! Every smoke alarm in the house went off. Ooops. . .
Girl, I have had SO MANY baking/ cooking fails that never make it to the blog. Seriously, they are awful!
I should totally have a series on my blog of all my failures!
haha I totally get you Chelsey!! This morning I made some “almond joy pancakes” and in my mind they tasted amazing and all! But they were just edible, kind of.
I wouldn’t want anyone to sue me for lying though you know? lol 
I made this chickpea cookie thing. I did something wrong because it was nasty!
You should have just pieced them together, stuck them on a gluten free bun, dressed them up with all of the fixins’ and told us they were amazing.
The same thing happened to me once when I made veggie burgers out of chick peas. They were just complete mush. Ah well - now your next recipe will look UNBELIEVABLE!! 
Haha well this is the first time I’ve read your blog and even though I finished it a minute ago, I still have a smile on my face! You are hilarious! And I can’t stand failing in a kitchen! The two things I fail at? Cheesecake and brownies. I know. Basic things.
Michelle
http://www.kissedbysweets.com
Hahaha…this is my first time reading your blog and despite the chickpea burger disaster, you cracked me up! Next time will be better!
I’m not the only one!!! It’s okay that you haven’t posted a recipe in 19 days, we enjoy your wit! But, going back to school in 19 days = NOT COOL!!!!
My last fail was a fancy-smanchy burger. FAIL! Fell apart and the husband was NOT impressed!
Oh Chels, if you’re a failure then I am most definitely the worst blogger of all time. I don’t think I’ve posted more than 5 recipes in my 2+ years of blogging.
Plus. who has time to create recipes when they’re too busy chowing down on Mangu
just caught up (read: drooled) over your Punta Cana recap!
I have recipe fails all the time! these dont look that bad
My last recipe fail was when I accidentally added garlic instead of ginger to my zucchini bread oatmeal… it was pretty much the grossest thing I’ve ever tasted. At least those chickpea burgers were sort of edible haha.
Maybe your burgers were a fail but at least you can take comfort in the fact that they were a PRETTY fail. Most of my kitchen disasters look..well, like disasters. I have no idea what my last fail was because I’ve hardly been in the kitchen. Most of the time I’m eating easy things (pb + banana sandwiches anyone?) or turning on the oven to make chocolate chip cookies. I’m not even kidding.. I’ve made so many chocolate chip cookies that the family members are practically begging me to stop and find a new type of cookie recipe.
Um, I have to back to work in TEN DAYS. So enjoy your extra nine days!
They sure do look yummy even if they didn’t taste it. A bit like falafel.
My last recipe fail? Trying to make my cake batter blondies with gluten free flour.
Maybe you could have crumbled them up and put them in a salad…..they looks good even mushy.
It still looks delicious! We have had many recipe failures or recipes that did come out but not the way we had envisioned at first!
{ 2 trackbacks }