Bad things happen to those who neglect their salsa pepper plant for a few weeks.
“Those” meaning “me”.
I would apologize to the salsa peppers but 1) I already talk to enough people/things/animals that never respond and 2) the salsa peppers got revenge.
I mean, seriously — 30 salsa peppers? What the heck am I supposed to do with thirty salsa peppers?
And now you’re over there, looking all smug, shaking your head and muttering to yourself about how this clean eating chick doesn’t have much common sense. And I reply with if you keep doing things like this, I’m not going to share my salsa with you.
The obvious answer to what I’m supposed to do with my salsa peppers?
Make salsa.
Which is great because I had four tomatoes that desperately needed to be used. Okay, that’s a lie. I went to the store specifically for tomatoes to make salsa, which then meant I had four tomatoes that could kindasortamaybe be used to salsa no matter how much I wanted to use them in salads this week.
But soon, SOON my tomatoes on my plants will be ripened up and ready to be used — which means I will be able to stop paying $4 for four tomatoes. Yeah, it’s killing me too.
But for now, I’m left with 29 more salsa peppers… and 0 tomatoes. You see the problem here too? So here’s my proposition. You come over, bring me four tomatoes, and I will make you salsa. I’ll leave the seeds in or out depending on your need for fiyah (*fire*). Then, we can stand around with our tongues burning and swap stories about our childhoods.
Or, I can make some margaritas instead. That sounds like more fun.
Restaurant Style Salsa (makes 2 cups)
- 4 tomatoes, halved and deseeded
- 1/4 white onion, cut into large pieces
- 1 salsa pepper, cut into large pieces (deseeded if you can’t take the heat!)
- 2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
- 1/4 cup packed cilantro
- 1/8 cup parsley
- 1/4 — 1/2 tsp. salt, depending on your preferences
- 1/4 tsp. pepper
- 1/2 tsp. ground cumin
- dash of chili powder
- agave (optional)
Directions: Begin by halving and deseeding your tomatoes. Place in a food processor with the white onion, pepper, garlic, cilantro, and spices. Pulse 4-5 times for starters, then taste test. If it is too spicy, add a drizzle of agave to lessen the heat. Pulse 1-2 more times depending on how chunky you like your salsa. Refrigerate and serve!
And then I rubbed my eye. The end.
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