from the mind of a dog

Hi, everyone — it’s me, Charlie.

I want to let you in on a little secret I thought you might like to know.

I am mad at my mom. Like, really mad at her.

You see, we had this really nice thing going for a while. I would wake up, she would take me for a walk, and then I would get fed. Then, I was allowed to go back to bed in the sunshine all the live long day.

I was allowed to chew on sticks until they were purely mulch in the backyard.

And I also enjoyed chasing all of the rabbits and chipmunks out of Mama’s garden for her. I was being a good boy — a really good boy.

Then, everything had to go and change on me about a month ago. Now, the crazy lazy (who shall remain nameless) has started to wake me up well before the sun starts to shine. She literally drags me out from under the bed (my sleeping spot of choice) and makes me eat breakfast really early. Then, she makes me go outside when it’s still dark and cold, and I really don’t like it. All those noises scare me in the morning, and I just want to stay cozied up in my bed a little longer.

Do you want to know what she does after she tortures me like that all morning? She LEAVES me! That’s right — you heard me.. I swear, it’s dog abuse! She leaves me alone all day long while she goes off and plays with other people’s children when I’m at home protecting the house all day. I think she should just stay home and play with me instead.

How in the world could she do that to this sweet and innocent face? I just don’t get it.

So, I decided that I was going to get her attention somehow. She was all tired when she got home in the afternoon. She wouldn’t even let me walk fast on our walks. Doesn’t she know how much energy I have after being cooped up all day?

It started off slow — first, I would just bother her until she couldn’t take it anymore while she was trying to blog on her computer at night. I would promptly come to her computer, push her screen off her lap, and try to jump up. Um, guys? She didn’t like that too much. She did, however, become quite the pushover and let me come lay next to her instead. I liked that a lot.

Things were starting to get quiet around here — too quiet. Instead of sleeping all day, I decided I was starting to get bored. I thought Mom might like it if I tried to do a few home renovation projects while she was gone.

You see those really nice knobs on the dresser down below? I thought they could use some updating.

That’s right, everyone! I chewed them off just so my mom could finally replace them. All the way down to the screw. I’m such a good boy.

I thought she would like it, but she really laid into me when she got home that day.

So, I thought I could try again. The bedroom dresser was looking too plain — I thought it could use a facelift. That is where my very intricate and delicate teeth came in to tear off a piece of the wood on the front.

Again — not so happy. I thought I was being a good boy, but I guess I was being a bad boy. But, whatever — she’s not being a very nice Mama, leaving me all day and all.

My antics for attention aren’t getting me anywhere though. What used to be a free house to roam while Mom and Dad were gone is no more. I’m kind of ashamed to say this, but… I’m back to the crate.

I have my bone, and sometimes my mom leaves the TV on for me, but it’s not the same as sprawling out on the couch when they’re not home (shhh… don’t tell her I do that!) or getting up to get a drink from my water bowl every couple of hours.

I don’t know how many times I have to give her the stink eye while she’s talking to me for her to “get” it — maybe she should go back to school.

I wish I could earn her trust back, but she made me really angry! I had to chew on something or try to tell her how mad I was. If only she could read my mind — then, she would understand exactly how I was feeling.

Question: What would your animal tell you if he/she could talk?

Tagged as: bad dog behavior, Charlie, dogs, dogs seeking attention, if dogs could talk, what dogs would say