Much like many other people, I myself put far too much pressure on myself.
To be perfect. To always be the best. To make sure I have it all together. To control every situation in my life until my head spins so hard it feels like I could break.
A lot of times, I do have it all together. Most of the time, I feel no pressure or stress and I can function fairly well to say the least. It is other times, when it seems like out of nowhere, I am juggling too many activities, emotions, and stressors in my life.
For the past few weeks, I have felt incredibly stressed. Why? I’m not really able to put my finger on it. This fall has been very busy, and while I don’t want to sound like I am complaining, it has gotten the best of me. However, this stress has definitely taken a toll on my health. I have been waking up every single morning with a headache and bags under my eyes, despite the fact I have slept for 7-8’ish hours the night before. I need two cups of coffee in the morning to really “wake up”. I find myself having the ability to burst into tears or snap at someone hastily before wondering where the emotion is actually coming from. I have been having actual chest pains when I am feeling overwhelmed or when worrying about certain events that are taking place right now.
November always does me in — work is busy, conferences are around the corner, report cards are due, and it’s enough to make me feel like there’s little left in the tank by the time I get home every day. Unfortunately, this means my poor husband and family have to deal with my insanity, and while I am very grateful they do, that doesn’t mean they should have to. While my emotions are pretty high strung these days, I always internalize what is bothering me. One of my downfalls as a person is trying to look like I have it all together — because admitting I am overwhelmed makes me feel like a failure.
I decided yesterday on my way home from dinner with my best friend that I really need to figure out just what is stressing me out, how I can deal with it, and how I can move past it so it is not interfering with my life anymore. I know I have discussed stress in the past and how negative the effects can be on a person, but that doesn’t mean stress automatically goes away. It’s how you deal with the stress that makes you a stronger person.
I have a plan of attack, and I am crossing my fingers my stressors fall to the wayside over the next few weeks as a result.
1. “Clean Up” my schedule — Last week I was seriously contemplating adding another very time consuming activity (the Drama Team at my church) to participate in. After giving it some thought this week, I don’t think now is the right time. Between teaching full time, putting at least 20 hours a week into this blog, and juggling family/friends, there just isn’t time. I need to feel comfortable with saying “no” to certain activities if I really don’t have the time.
2. Make “Me” Time — Having time to myself is absolutely without a doubt a “need” for my day. I am someone who needs alone time and actually crave alone time when I am around others for too long. I love having some time in the morning when no one else is awake for myself, and many days I need some time at night to decompress with a book before bed. If I start to compromise this, I can start to feel overwhelmed.
3. Talk to Someone — This is by far the hardest thing for me. I never want others to feel “burdened” with my problems, nor do I want to make it seem like I am complaining/making a big deal out of something that isn’t. However, I know bottling things up is never a good thing and it can more than likely lead to me blowing up or overreacting to a situation that has nothing to do with why I am stressed out.
4. When all else fails, just breathe.
I bring this all up not to make you feel sorry for me, but because I know many others out there are probably feeling a lot of stress with the coming seasons and busyness juggling school, work, and play time.
Over the course of the next few days, I’m going to remember to laugh, to joke around, and to not let nagging stressors get in the way of my life. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again. The best thing for me to remember is that I am never handed anything I cannot handle. Tina actually wrote a great post just today on how handling life and stress is all about perspective. It is a great read, and part of me thinks it’s kind of freaky how on the same page we always are about things. I might not have it all figured out today, but there’s always tomorrow!
Question: How do you handle stress? Do you internalize like me or do you let the entire world know you’re struggling with juggling? (ha — that question was funny)
{ 73 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. The first few paragraphs basically define exactly what I am feeling right now. Literally, I feel like you are my twin. I put so much stress on myself it is ridiculous, and it does drive me to be a little insane at times. I definitely internalize my issues, but it is definitely obvious to the people around me. It must be because my family/boyfriend are mind readers, not because I turn into a psycho, snappy person ever.
Glad I’m not the only one feeling the pressure!
I leave school right when I am allowed to and I don’t take work home with me and I tell myself it will all get done eventually. There are some days that we HAVE to leave work behind us. (I know the majority of the time, this feels impossible for us teachers.) But honestly, for our own mental health it is important to take care of ourselves. Our kiddies will be fine if we wait a day to grade something or plan something.
It’s rare I bring stuff home from work, I won’t lie. Usually I am so busy when I get home that it’s hard to even think about doing anything once I get home!!
I’m sorry you’re feeling so stressed! This is such a beautiful post, gave me some good ideas! When it comes to stress, I love to journal. I write everything and anything down, get it all out and then I’m done with it. I can walk away feeling so much better because I had an outlet. Also, eating well. Poor diet effects my moods a lot, so if I’m not feeling like myself, I consider what I’ve eaten the past couple of days. Hope things get better! And you know, you’re probably doing so much better than you think you are!
Best of luck!
I wish I had more time to journal (I know, right?)!!
Ironically, my post tomorrow is also about being stressed and learning to just relax and be thankful for what I have! I’m the same way that you are, I try not to “burden” others with my problems and I keep most things to myself! I also try and look like I have everything in control, when in reality I’m freaking out!
I guess we’re on the same page! Although being a law student would definitely stress me out!
I definitely internalize by stress, and if I do that too long I just shut down. And then it’s messy. But, with each “stress” I end up learning something new.
Ugh me too - usually in the form of me being a blubbering mess with the Husband. Poor guy.
Perfect time to read this post! I’ve been feeling stressed with the end of the semester coming up, applications for next year to feel out, and internships to find for next semester. It just seems like so much work on top of trying to maintain fitness and a social life. Over Thanksgiving break, I just need to take a break, enjoy my family, and relax.
I’m planning to do just that!!
I internalize like you! I am with you right now everything is piling up on me and it is very overwhelming. I feel like I could burst any moment some days! I am trying hard to take me time at least once a week and to not to stress over the little things - though I am the queen of doing that
Good for you! I have felt the way you’re feeling many times in my life and it’s always when I realize that I’m in control and can do things to alleviate the stress that things start to turn around.
I swear a good snow day would help every teacher in my building with the stress department. …. I am totally on the same wavelength as you are right now. I have some pretty major stressors coming at me from every stinking direction and all of them are out of my control, that is my problem. No matter how stinking hard I try, I can’t fix them. Any of them. ….However, I did get my sister to figure out skype so now I can see my nephew and baby niece via computer and it totally gives me something to look forward to and makes me a happier person.
*hug to you, Chelsey* and wishes for lots of energy to power though the busy time of year!
—Hmmm, after such a loooong comment, I’m thinking that writing may be how I deal
Snow days are good for the soul - it’s the truth.
I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed too!
Oh man, do I feel ya on this sister! I can relate to what you’re saying so much. These are great tips that you mentioned and a good reminder that we need to keep things in check to not over do it. We can do it!!
I couldn’t agree with you more Chelsey! I struggle with setting too high expectations for myself at times. I expect perfection which no one is capable of. I usually internalize my stress, but then it comes out in negative ways- all at once! I deal with stress by scheduling me time, exercise (running), and taking some deep breaths when I’m feeling very overwhelmed.
exercise is good for my soul as well!
Love the alone time part - it’s so important and is even harder when you live with your significant other. As much as you love the guy, sometimes you just want to make yourself an easy dinner and flip through a book or magazine while watching overly girly tv. Now that the bf’s softball league is over I am definitely missing my quiet time on Mondays.
We always feel like we’re a weird couple for not minding having our alone time - I have no problem going to the other room to watch TV or be by myself “just because”.
i love the honesty in this post — you are right, so many people have these feelings but keep them inside. i personally struggle around this time of year as well. there is so much going on with the holidays, work, family vacations… not to mention we’re juggling this while trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle! enough to make you crazy!
i love your plan of attack. i think the most important thing is to make “me time”. for me, that is 6:00 p.m. every night when i lay on the couch in pi’s and slippers and watch e! news. probably could be doing more productive things with my time, but it is so important to my mental health.
I always am on my couch at 7:00 when I’m at home - usually it’s not real “relaxing” because I am prepping for a blog post/comenting/etc., but at least I’m sitting!
I definitely feel the stress when my expectations are too high. I think your tips have actually hit the nail on the head. Being “selfish” sometimes is exactly what I need in order to not go crazy. And sometimes breathing is about all I can do.
Great post Chelsey! And I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling so overwhelmed and stressed! I’m definitely like you and I tend to internalize things. And more often than not I can more easily write out what is bothering me than I can speak it…so that being said, if you ever need to vent to a stranger, feel free to use me! I think your plan of attack is great- especially the part about including me time. Often that is the first thing to go when that should be the first thing to focus on!
Workout. period. That’s how I de-stress. Learning to say no has helped too.
saying no, not over extending, and re-focusing/streamlining EXISTING ventures/projects rather than taking on new or even more…is a work in progress for me. Getting better but not perfect. Glad to hear you’re making some changes to your life and routine to make things smoother and less stressful.
And to hear you put in 20 hrs a week on your blog…ok good, I’m not alone. And then some
Yeah, sometimes more if you start to add in cooking/photographing/etc.!
I think November can be a stressful month for everyone. It seems like everything is starting/ending in November. I just try to focus on myself and not let things “bottle up.” Have fun relaxing:)
I can totally relate to this post - I’m a giant ball of stress right now, with so many assignments and projects due in the next few weeks! I definitely agree with needing to take some “me” time. Lately I’ve been allowing myself to relax in front of a tv show for an hour every day to help me destress. It’s something to look forward to all day!
I completely relate Chelsey! I actually just blogged about this whole “dizziness” thing I’ve been going through that originated in the spring but had actually went away throughout the summer & now it’s back! I’m starting to think it’s triggered purely by stress but I am a “stressed out” person by nature so there’s not much I can do! Perhaps I’ll try #4 & just breathe!
Ugh, stress does CRAZY things to us!
I definitely know where you are coming from. I just got home from school after a day of working, meetings, and teaching. I wanted to exercise, but know that if I don’t plan a lesson for tomorrow afternoon, I am not going to have time to finish a project that has to be done by Friday. Forget exercise…lesson planning here I come!
Ugh, that is the reason why I go in the morning!!
I’m an internalizer as well. I don’t want to burden others with my problems, so I hold everything in- That’s probably why I struggle with emotional and stress eating so much! It usually gets to a point where I can’t take it anymore, and “it” all blows up. I can relate to the chaotic time with school as well!
yes, just be! live in day, not the month. I know, so hard. But focusing on the moments of joy and Gods presences bring such peace.
Such great advice - Thanks Lindsay!
I know exactly what you mean! I always struggle to do things on MY time and when I think is right but I really need to learn to relax more and just trust that things will happen on their own time. Thanks for sharing this and giving me a little reminder tonight.
I loved how honest you were on this post
I’m definitely the same way & sometimes it just gets to be too much…I currently feel the same way with school right now even though I’m the student 
Running helps a lot for me!
It is a coincidence that you posted this because I just wrote about stress (and my “nervous stomach”) tonight!
I definitely internalize, which really makes everything so much worse. I’m working on it, too!
girl I hear ya! thanksgiving is so close, you can make it! I think you have some great ways listed out to help!
Thank you for the awesome timing of this post… with midterms, essays, grad school applications etc. all piling up it can be hard to remember that I am human and sometimes do just need time to breathe or vent to someone. I understand exactly what you mean about not wanting to burden people, however sometimes I find that they are grateful to hear me express my emotions because they are feeling the same way and holding it in as well- believing that everyone else is doing just fine and they should be too.
Also, a great stress buster was making your apple butternut squash soup!! It turned out great. And it’s always an ego booster to make something “fancy” like that when my roommates are eating kraft dinner and toast ;D
Woohoo! Glad you liked the soup!
I’m publishing a post tomorrow about some VERY stressful feelings I’ve been having lately, particularly this evening! And I feel you on those headaches. I have one right now! I’ve been trying to just step back, kind of outside myself in my own mind, and say STOP and try to put myself in another place, whenever I am feeling very high-strung an anxious or stressed. So far it’s been hard but I only just started working on this so am hoping it works out and is helpful!
You know what helps headaches? Chocolate.
Just sayin’…
I totally had chocolate pudding after I commented!
I have a hard time talking about my problems with people. I always feel like it’s a burden on them too, but I have found that just expressing my problems helps things enormously. So I invite my girlfriends out for a night of girl talk and we all vent. And you know what, not one of us keeps quiet. We all are stressed out!
It sounds like you have the right mind set to handle your stress. And if all else fails, just blog about your stress. We bloggers always are listening.
I really really wish I could leave a coherent comment…I’m just too busy.
But seriously, I need to start saying no!
(to crack)
haha - I love your comments!
Wow, Chelsey thank you. I needed this so badly. I’ve been super stressed/emotional for the past week and a half too and I can’t seem to put my finger on it either. I feel the exact same way you do about talking to other people about my problems in fear of burdening them or stressing about my life when so many other people have it so much worse than me. Sometimes talking is the best medicine, other times it helps to breakdown, and sometimes you just needs to breathe. Either way, like you said, we’ve gotten through it before and we’ll get through it again!
Good luck Caroline!
True life sista. I need to do the same. Love you! <3
I know how you feel, seriously. When I feel stressed like that, I usually cry (it’s true), tell myself to snap out of it and sit for a little while and listen to some calming music and try to lay everything out and prioritize. Hope you feel better
It’s ironic, but when I’m feeling stressed, I read blogs (like I’m doing right now
to feel balanced again.
That must be something you do to “unwind”!
Needed this! I am SO incredibly busy right now and everything just seems like its spiraling out of control. I definitely need to use some of those tips! Thanks!!!
Great tips and always appropriate! Why are we our biggest critics and the most demanding? Sometimes putting away the to-do list helps…it might seem ridiculous initially but a little time off can do wonders for overall productivity!
sometimes its helpful for my to journal…its a bit funny since my blog started originally as a sort of journal for myself, but now that other people read it - i dont want to vent all the time obviously. so yeah, anyway, its nice to have a separate place to write and just reflect and put all my thoughts on paper. very therapeutic.
go get a massage girl!! you deserve it.
Love massages - and wouldn’t you know, I get one frequently!
I was just talking to my boyfriend yesterday about feeling overwhelmed, and putting lots of pressure on myself - he is the exact opposite of us type A ‘s and is so relaxed, un-stressed, at least he doesn’t go all crazy like we do. Maybe it’s a female thing? The superwoman syndrome?
Whatever it is I am trying to breate more, stress less, be excited and enthusaiastic and passionate about things I love, and calm down. <3
I love what you said about knowing that there is nothing I cannot handle. I also love the expression "a woman is like a teabag - you don't know how strong she is until she gets in hot water". It makes me smile - and that be free photo does too.
Take care, lovely, and good luck with all your destressing efforts! xyx
Thanks, Yolie! My husband is the same way - go with the flow, relaxed, etc. How do they do it?!
I can totally, completely relate - I am so glad I read this! This year has been really stressful, just in general, but I have learned to open up to people, particularly those I am close to. At least if they are all aware of the pressure I am under (or the pressure I put myself under!), then I won’t bottle things up, and they can offer some sort of help. If I keep things to myself all the time (like I so often do..), they usually come out eventually in some form of emotional explosion! But you are right, just breeaathe - that really does make a difference!
I completely agree! I get stressed too but we just have to remember to relax!!! Great post, I hope you feel better
This is just what I needed to read now! I can absolutely relate - 100% and I’m glad that I’m not the only one that puts myself through it! Thank you!!
I can really relate to this. While I’m learning that sometimes saying, “No” is the right choice, it’s difficult for me to turn down things I love to do in the name of sanity. I’m a talker, though. In some ways, it’s good because I can ask for help when I need it. My husband is incredible about picking up the slack at home when I’m doing a lot. But talking and talking about stress and problems has drawbacks, too. My last job became very toxic when all the teachers started venting to one another. Suddenly, instead of just being annoyed for our own issues, we were frustrated for our colleagues, too. It got put of control pretty quickly!
Aw, I hate that you’re feeling so stressed right now, but clearly you aren’t alone. Every couple weeks I have a melt down day when everything catches up with me. On those days I take a deep breath, reorganize my schedule and actually accept when people offer to help. Usually I say ‘no thanks, I’ve got it’, but I’m learning more and more how to say ‘yes, thank you’ when Hubbs offers to pick up dinner or a friend offers to pick something up for me. And I love the holidays, but stress certainly seems to pick up during this time of the year!
You know what you really need to do…..cut back blogging to 10 hours a week. I hate to say it but you should. You are my favorite blogger and you do blog the most that I read. I don’t really want you to but I think you should. Just a friend trying to help!
Our bodies are SO smart. For ages I was having difficulty breathing (when I’m anxious I ‘stack breathe’ which means I don’t exhale enough and then try to breathe in on top of my previous breath…it all sounds very complicated and weird but basically it means I’m practically holding my breath all day rather than ever really exhaling. Exhaling is amazing for stress relief!). I couldn’t work out why I was stacking breathing though but after a while I remembered that I had an event coming up I was really nervous about. Sure enough, after the event was over my breathing went completely back to normal. So funny.
I am definitely an internalizer! I hardly ever talk about my stress and I definitely need me time. I think my favorite way to deal with it is to plan. Schedule things out so I can tackle life little by little. Also, long showers. I do my best thinking in the shower! And even if I don’t, it’s at least relaxing, and I don’t feel guilty relaxing because a girl’s gotta shower.
Girlfriend, I hear ya! Sometimes I expect myself to be able to do EVERYTHING and I just can’t. Sometimes I just need a night (or two) to veg, relax and not worry about a thing.
Twins! Do you think it’s a teacher thing?
I’ve taken on a lot more at work, with new roles and responsibilties added to what was already a time-consuming and exhausting, albeit fascinating, job.
My stress buster include: hitting the gym really hard; going for a swim at the beach; cooking extravagant things on the weekends, blog-trawling, and YES! relaxing in bed for at least 30 minutes with a book before going to sleep. Boyfriend knows that is ‘shhhh-time’ now.
I internalize my true feelings and end up putting up a front or a wall to people who want to talk to me. It is really tough. I have been trying very hard to just come out and say what I am feeling rather than keeping it all bottled up inside and stomping around all of the time!